jo bekke at hugwrts Commentary
by RemyBuxaplenty
Summary: I review the hopefully trollish fic Jo bekke at hugwrts and lose 5000 IQ points! (still don't own this story!) Contain Homophobia by the author
1. the girl from south carolina

**jO bekke at HUgwRts**

Chapter 1

AN Dis iiz mi stury. MI friend edited it 4 me. You're the best, Darry! **HI DARRY**

BOOK 1: JO BELLE POTTER AND THE SORCERURS STON

Chapter 1: Dumbledore

Mi nam is Jo bele Susie lilee Puttr. I waz drupped uff at mi uncl and ants hose. **My IQ just dropped to 0**

wen I waz 3 da dark lurd volddenut killd mi parents. I used to hav a bruthr but he livs in engglnd. Now mi ant in uncl in sutth carulia razed me. **Why did she have to use the state I used to live in before I moved back to singapore? Trust me everyone from south carolina is NOT like this!**

Dey r abusive. Dey rap and hurt me. **They rap with you?**

I hav durty blond hair, that hangs down to mi feet. i hav dimond blu ies dat sparkl. **That's not possible.**

Sometimes my eis are green or yellow. OI am super hot!111111111 **Doubt it.**

1 dae I waz wlkin doewn da street nd I cm hom der was a ledder on da doorstep. I gspd!11111111111111 it sad hugwurts skill od wickraaf nd wizrdy. I tried to get it butt sdunely… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .. .. .. **What the fuck is happeneing?**

A knif came me!111111111111111 Im fast thouh, so I caut it nd thru it bak at mi dum uncl. **dum uncl**

it hit him in da crocht and he did. den antie Beatrice cam up. "U klld mi usbnd u freek!111111111111111" **YOU HIT HIM IN THE CROTCH?**

Hes nut ded.' I told hur. Den I wavd mi hnd n he cam bak to lif! "Jpo bel!" he screemd. **jpo bEL GET BACK HURR.**

Mi ant thru me acruss the rume.\ I hit da wull nd nearly pasd out! **I think you should call the police.**

"wuts dat letr u hav,' jo bel?" ant betric askd

"NOOO" Uncl sd. **Why is he yelling?**

"I hut wed stuppd it!" ant betrik sad. **Can someone translate?**

"den unl grvaed be nd thruuu me acrss da rume. DEN DA DUR FLU OPEN!111111111.. ….. .. .. . . .. . **-GASP-**

An old man was der. He had a long blak beerd. He spok in an awsum suthurn bretesh axnt. "I am Pruffsr ALbis Peeter Quintin alexndr Dumbldur!111111111" he crid. **Why did dumbledore cry?**

A flash uv litenin was seen oteside da durr. It lukeed lik mi scar. I hav a scar ov a litenn bult on mi 4hd. **:O**

Dumbldur sd. "Cum w/ me jo bel I hav ur bruthur."!1

2 B CNTUUD!


	2. We go to england!

Chapter 2

A?n This da second chappy, I hop u lik it!11 Thanks to Darrel for da ediding! Ur da best. **Yeah, "editing"**

Chapter 2: Harre Putter. **HARRY!**

Dumdumfore tuk mi 2 Englend.** DUMDUMFORE! :D**

It waz relly cull. I saw a olot ov peple there. Wen one of those stinky Nurthurnurs cam up, I killed thm.** Where are the police in this fic?**

NOrthernurs ar so stupid. Den Dumumdor tok me to ribet Driv. We knoked up the door. A fat gay boy ansered the dur. **I like how he's fat and gay. Seems logical. OH WAIT THATS DUDLEY OMG.**

/hoo r u" he aksed. **The police**

"don talk to me GAYY." **Homophobic!**

"Dadddyy, he said, running away and crying. **Typical Dudley**

Then a 11 yeer old boy cam up. "Who r u.' he asked. **How is harry 11 when jo bel is 17?**

:Im prufesxsr dumfumdoor, and dis iz y=r sister." **I'd like to note that she probably never spells dumbledore correctly.**

"I;m jo bell,' I told him;

"im… … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … … … … … … … … … … Harre POTTER! **-gasp-**

bcuntined


	3. Digon Alee

Chapter 3

**A/N Daryll ur da bes. Thanks 4 edidin. **Why was this one bolded?

**CHaptre 3: The trpi 2 Digon Alee. **yay diagon alley!

"**Im HAree Potter," HE SAID. **we've established this harry

'**NO WAE," i sed. "im ur sister."**

"**cull he sed,"**

**Then I noticd somthin. "Y do u hav a Suthern axent wen your from Enhglend?" **

"**Cuz Im frum Suthern Englend lol." **if you were from southern england you would either have a cockney, sussex, essex, kentish or an estuary accent...

"**LOl'"**

"**Don't u hat northurnurs?" he sad. **no

**\**

"**I knoe rite/"**

**Dumduldur agreed. "now its tim to go 2 Digon Allee."**

"**But wat aout mi cousins?" **

"**Dey're stupid Northernors so it don't matter." **plus they aren't even wizards

"**Good, I jus hat them : **you hate everyone!

"**Now, Jo bekke Will do the majic. Now, telepotr us to Diafon Ally!" **I don't think that's a good idea

**I said the incantation. Suddnly we were in Digon Alley!**

**2 BE CONTINUED!1111111111111111**


	4. Gollum

Chapter 4

**aN: So, tanks to Daryl 4 fixin da gramer. Ur da best! Flamrs: GO 2 HELL!**

**Chapter $: DIgon Aley purt 1**

Profesur dumbledum tuk us to a stor calld Grignots. **Gringotts isn't a store, it's the bank**

Yo can get free monee ther. **No you can't**

Wee go in. A gremlin cums up to us. "oH U mus b jO bEkk potter. Weve been watein 4 u. o nd hllo harre." **No you haven't**

Dumbldum commntd on his status, "luk her gremlin, jus tak us to der vault, and NOT de enegy drink, ok, do, you, get, that mistr 'helo jO beKL?"** Can someone translate?**

The gremln srummk in feer. "Yes, jus dnt hrt me."

/I wnt hrt u, but jO beKKE might! **Yeah she's mean!**

The gremlin sed, "letz\s go 2 ur valt."

We got in da sports car and druve into da valt. "Bi da wae mi nam iz golum," da gremlin sed. **GOLLUM? I think she's confused**

GoLUm tuk us doewn into da valt. "Is this da valt," I aksd.

"Yeperoo,' golumn saeid. **No one in harry potter has said "Yeperoo"**

'Iz this da valt,l" haree askd/ **We just went over this.**

"Yes." **Who said this?**

Dmbldurm tuk jo bELe and haree into the lair. DER WAS A DRAGON DER!111111

2 B CUNTOUED


	5. mystikel dregon

Chapter 5

**A/N: Stop FLamIm u r stupid nd gae! GO 2 HEKLK! **Okay.

Chpaarte 5: Da mystikel dregon

DER WAZ A DRAGEN DER!11111111111

Gollum sed, ' u hav 2 dfeet da dregon w? ur pwors 2 get 2 da vult. **No we don't. Dragon's don't appear until the 4th movie and book. Plus shouldn't she technically be in 7th year since shes 17?**

"k," hare end ei sed.

We wnen in but haree got scrd. I hd to go in by myslf. Jo bElle wen in.

Da Dragen was ornge aand spok in a northurn axent. "Im da dregon hoo gurds Grinworts!" **No dragon guards Gringotts...**

"GO TO HELL~!#$%^'./,./

I stebbd da drehoon thur the hert. It died.

"GO JO BEKLE! GO JI BKEL! 123 GOGOGO!" Dumdubledumre SCREEMED NGRILY. **WHY IS HE YELLING**

"WHOS DA DREGON SLEYOR? N U R! WHOS DA PRETTYST MOST AMAZNG SXYEST BUTIFUL AMZING SXY WONDRFUL GILR? JPO BELLE PUTTER" Du,mblurode Gooluu, Haree, and snale sad. **WHO IS SNALE?**

Gremlin sed, "nowe u mae pass into da chamber uv trrezures. **Gremlin?**

2 b CONTNUED!


	6. Snale and Kwerrel Doing It

ch 29 da loins den

da loins were cummin towards me. dey were big an yellow. **As opposed to being white?**

an dey wanted 2 eat me. **No, they just want to be freinds!**

den i realised... dey didnt take my gun away! so i took out my gun an my wand an started firen. but da bullets an magik ust bounced off! dey werent loins at all! dey wuz... DETHEATERS! **It's always deatheathers right?**

"OH NO DEY GOT ME" i sed. den i herd somedn from above.

"wutchu goin down dere turtle" somone sed. it wuz... JOSEF!1 **JOSEF! :D**

"HELP DERE GONNA KILL ME" i sed. **NO DON'T HELP**

"no dey wont!" den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn "rainbow!" an a rainbow came out of his hands. den all da detheaters stopped an started havin gay sex with eachodder. **I don't even. Also what kind of heels and are they cute?**

"CLIMB UP" sed josef. an i did.

"tank u" i sed

"ur welcom" he sed an jumped down in da pit. **Why would you do that?**

"have a nice time!" i sed 2 josef wavin. den i took out my wand an my gun. i had unfinished bussiness with snape. **Time to shoot a niqqa**


	7. jo bel gets rich

ch 29 da loins den

da loins were cummin towards me. dey were big an yellow. **As opposed to being white?**

an dey wanted 2 eat me. **No, they just want to be freinds!**

den i realised... dey didnt take my gun away! so i took out my gun an my wand an started firen. but da bullets an magik ust bounced off! dey werent loins at all! dey wuz... DETHEATERS! **It's always deatheathers right?**

"OH NO DEY GOT ME" i sed. den i herd somedn from above.

"wutchu goin down dere turtle" somone sed. it wuz... JOSEF!1 **JOSEF! :D**

"HELP DERE GONNA KILL ME" i sed. **NO DON'T HELP**

"no dey wont!" den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn "rainbow!" an a rainbow came out of his hands. den all da detheaters stopped an started havin gay sex with eachodder. **I don't even. Also what kind of heels and are they cute?**

"CLIMB UP" sed josef. an i did.

"tank u" i sed

"ur welcom" he sed an jumped down in da pit. **Why would you do that?**

"have a nice time!" i sed 2 josef wavin. den i took out my wand an my gun. i had unfinished bussiness with snape. **Time to shoot a niqqa**


	8. Hamlet appears

Chapter 8

**A.n: UR WRONG!11111111 THE northurnurs r a bunch of dum librels. THE SOUTH R THE 1s WHO WRK!11 THE NRTHurNURS WULD HAv us STUK up OnN HELTP CAAR We WRK DA FLDS U LUSRS sit in facterees aand complaen aLL dae log., ur StuPID FAT, And UGLEEE! DUMDUMBELRE IS NOT GAE! AND IF HE WAS HED GO 2 HELL!1!111111111111111 IIf u FlaaM ur ObvOUDSLY hjuST A stupid LIbrel Demcrat who DON'T knoe hOW to WoRK :P NORTHURNURS R MUCH STuPIDER, **Can someone translate?

Chaptr 8: DE eSCPA fruM Gngiotes **Finally**

AFTR goluM cam bak to lif we celbratd. It TRned OtTE he waz juS bein ConTROled by sum supid librel. Cuz dats wat librels do, dey r control freeks. **True.**

Den da greMIlds tuld us we had to leeve noew. We lf to go to Medem Milpkinths. Dere was sum freek der. Hhe had blond heir, but he wsnt suthrn. He waz ubvusly nutherm. Haree sat on 1sid an I sat on deotherr. **Draco is there?**

:Who r u musnboled:" **musnboled?**

"I,m jO bEklle puttr, n dis iz mi bruthr," I sed stinlkly.

:JJO BELLE PORTER!/?"

"Yep, dats me,' I sed..

"I dint tink a suthrnur culd be so SXY.:

"UR STUPID,' I jumPED on hem nd kikd his boodee/ "HAHA' luser,' is ede. **BOODEE**

"Y O Y" DarKo crede. **I read that as yoy instead of why oh why**

"BcuZ ure a DUM nUTHernur aand dats wat haoons"

Den HAMLET CAM up. " he dumbduymlr wntd to tll u somthin, he sed obtusely. …. ….. …. … … … … … .. …. **HAMLET?!**

2 B CONTNINUED

Bi Da WaE NORTHERURS SUK!111111111111111111


	9. Dumbledore's message

Chapter 9

**A.N: Danks 4 darryl 4 chkin dis/ Ur da bst.**

**Cahprt 9: Dumblumdores mesage**

**Harmlt tuk us 2 Dumblumdur. "Helo dumdhumrr,' hamlt sed. **Hi hamlet

"**Helo Prufessor Haarmlet" Dumbumbledore said. **HAMLET'S THE PROFESSOR?

"**jO beLLE and HaARe dis is Professur Hamlet. He is daa keeper of da kees a HUgwerts." **Keeper of the keys...

"**Helo Prufessor Haglet," HaRRE amd ei sad.**

"**Yes, I em Prufesor Hagmet.:**

**Dumblum lafed ridikilosely. "alrite chldrn I need to tll u somthin."**

"**Wat iz it?" jo BelLe asked,**

"**Itz tim to go… … … … … .. … … PIK OTEUR WANDS!" **Didn't they already have wands?

We wnt 2 pck ote our wands. We wlkd doewn da street. BUT… …. … … … …. …. …. … … . … … HAMLET WAS STILL STALKIN US!1! **-GASP-**

"R u a pedow?" I asked.

"No! I just waaantd to knoe somthin!"

Dumbldor sied. "lUK her hamlet, Your just a silly scotish persin." **Yes, because all scottish are silly**

Hamlit strtd to cri. "Iem surry prufsor."

"dats ok, u scotish people r jus lik oour pets."

"Can I git a raze?"

Dumbleumr lafed evly. "Y WULD I GIV u a RAZE? Go away u SIMPLE MINDED KREEP!" **I can give you a razor so you can shave**

Harmlet sarted crien agin. Den he run off.

"ALrite childs, lets go pik ote ur wnds/ **They already did!**

2BCNTUED


	10. Profesur Olee

Chapter 10

**A;n' Alrite idiots. STOP GLAMIN MI STIRY!1111111111 Jus bcause I hate Nurthernurs and gaes and blak people doesn't meen u need 2 giv me aa herd time!1111 Go 2 HE:: YANKEES!1111111111 I write about SUTHERN ENGLAND! Northurn englan and Scotlad are STUPID!1111 Also, thanks to darrel for chekin da spelling. UR DA BEST! I can't wate for 2morrow. (Darrel nd I aare goin to the mall with sum frends) **DarryXJo bel OTP4LYF

**Chaprer 10: JO BELLES WAND**

**we WeN 2 da wand shop. Der were all surts of wands der. I looked on da pervert roe. Der was a buch of stap on wands. **STRAP ON WANDS?

**Der was also *****************!111111111111111111 **What is *************************?

**Den I went 2 daa SXY suTHern island, were der was a hole buch of wends. DEN I SAWED IT!1111111111111111111 IT was da most butiful wand in da entir world. IT WAS A PTCH4k WAND! So u can cast spells and stab peeples. **Of course a pitchfork wand. Typical southern stereotype.

**Den a man cam upp bhin us. " MWAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAh!"**

**I prUf**

**Esur OLEE, I wull b ur wands prufesur. **There's no such thing as a wand professor

**"Cull I said."**

**"I lik ur wand," he sed happly.**

**"ITS SXY," I sed.**

**HAree agreed with me. Prufessor Olee tuk us in da bak of da store."Noew we hav some fun!" Olee sed. **What kind of fun?

**2 B CONTINUED! **DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN


	11. Jo bekke kills some people and does stuf

Chapter 11

**A/N UR SO STUPID! U don't hav a clu!111 Stop messing with me!1111111 NoRTherners ARE stupid!1111111111111111 SUTHERNERS are the smartr peeples in AMERCA. NORturnurs anywaer r all stupid.. Da suttern part of any CUNTRY IS THE BEST PURT!1111111 STOP Flaimyn me!11111111111111111111111111111 Ur just jelous bcuz im sutheern. UR ALL a bunch ov STUPOD LibrEL Nrutherners!111111111 U LUSE!11111 I rede all ur storees and dey STINK!11111111111111111111111111111 IF U DON'T LIK DIS… … … … … DEN DON'T REED IT! Gae people aare reel humens… JUST STUPIDSER!11111111111111 im NOT updatin til I ged 5 gud reviows!**

Hpter 11: jO bekke nd HArre kill a bnch of RIDIKULOUSLY UGLEE STUPIS BlaK gAE NuthernnORs!1111111111111 **Great**

Olee tuk us into da bak of his wand sjkull. He sowed us a bunch of gae Norturn blak peoples. They wer all tied up. "Nowe." olEE sad, "u hav 2… …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. … … … … … … … … … kILL TESE RIKOLUSLY UGLY STUPID BLAK GAE NURTHERNURS!11111111111" **Well that's racist!**

"K I sed."

I wne ovr 2 da ridikulusly ugly stupID bLAK gaye Nirthurnurs!11111111111111111111 "don hurt us jO bekle,' dey sed. **PLEASE DON'T HURT US**

I laufed mecanicly. ""

I strtd poking them with mi pich4k wnd. DEY strtd screamin so I kiked der PRIVARTE PARTS!111111111111111111111111 **OH MY GOD**

thEY scremed in pane!11111 Prufesor OLLEE was chering me on.

DEN those RIDIkulously uGLee stupid bllAK gAE nothernurs… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … DIED!11111111111111111111111111111 **RIP**

2 B CONTINUD

_**I WANNT 5 GUFD REVIEWS OR IM NOT POSTIN DA NEXT XCHAPPPPIEE! **_oh noes!


	12. Ron

Chapter 12

_An OK, I knoe I sad dat I wudnt updaat tilll I get 5 gud reviews but I got thus written. I H8 U! If ur repotin me den u sjuld go di!1111111111111111111111111 Ur probably just a librel idiot. Also tanks to Darryl for da checking!11 I CANT WAIT 4 2NITE. I cant w8 till we c our frends at da mall! UR da best of the best!_

CHAptr 12: We go 2 Kngs Crussin.

Aftr I kild the stupid blak people, Hamlet cam up. "Prufessur Dumblundum wants u knowe."

"K: Jo BEKKE said iunfurtunatly.\

Hamlimt tuk us 2 prufesur dumblumdur. Dumbindor sd, "Did u get ur wanz?" **Yeah.**

"Yeah, an then I killd sum gae blak peeples with it."

"Cull," dumbledore saif.. **Dumbledore doesn't care anymore**

"it was fun.' Haree sed.

"I knoe I do that all the tim!" DUumvbledum said. **Liar**

"THAt iz Awsum!" JO beLLE sed. Haply.

Dumbledure then sed, "Alrite children it's time to go 2 knGS cruSSin. Jo BELE tak us to kings crossin.." **She can't**

I wavd mi pch4k wnd. It glowed and then all ov a suddn.. WE WERE IN KINGS CRUSSIn. **She hasn't even learned any magic yet. How can she take them to Kings Crossing?**

Haree nd I sawed a family. Dey sed, "ALL dese stupid gae Northurn muggls!1111 Cum on Donald." **RON?**

"Hey! I! SED! R u goin 2 HUWERTS?"

"UVZ curse we r, dingles," mrs weasel sad. **Dingles? Also WEASEL?**

"Bi da wae, mi nam is Donald." Da redhed boy sed. **Oh my god it's ron...**

"CULL" herry said.

"Lets go," donalkd sed.

DEN… … … … … … … … ….. WE rAN THRU DA WALL!1111111111111111111111

2 B CoNTuned


	13. Fat trolley lady

Chapter 13

A,n: STOP FLAMIN MI STURYE! U hava no rite 2 flame mi stury. I H8 U!1111111111111111111 Ur jus a bunch ov librel gaes! THankS 2 Darryl 4 checkin mi story. I LOVE YOU!11111111111111111 Darrel nd I r d8in now! We 3 ech othr!

Chaptre 13: Da hofwasrtz expres!11111111111 **Hofwasrtz sounds so german**

WE run thRU te wall. Don said, "We shuld go sit dowen," he sed unhappily.

Jo belle and HAree got onto da hUGwerts eXpres/. I luked around the rume. There was no1 iin 1. "Letz sit her," Donald sad. **I don't think she ever gets Ron's name right.**

"K,' I sadi.

We set down. Thn daa fat trullee lady cam long. "EAT FUDE ETE FUDE!11111111111 " **I like how she's fat as opposed to skinny**

donald sed. "I ain't got no monee 2 by fude." **Poor ron.**

"dat's alrite. Ill bye it." I sed.

"OMG Ur jO beKKE puttr!11111 " da trolley lade said.

"i knoe,' I lufed vicouslee. **How do you laugh viciously?**

"her, u can hav freeee fude, cuz ur so pretty and u dfeeted da dark lard." **Not really...**

:cull I sed.

hAREE nd I got fude. We started tto ete and then someone barged in the room. IT WAZ… … … … … … … … … … … … . …. …. … ….. … .. .. . .. .. . ... . HERMONEE! **YAY HERMIONE**


	14. Jo bekke's biggest fan

_**AN: LUK HER DUMBELLS!1111111111111111111111 U SUK!1111111111111 STUP FLAMIN! UR JUS JELUS OF DARRYL AAND ME DATIN! I H8 U!11111111111111 GO2 WHO IZ TERA?/ I DON'T KNOE A TARA? **_oh my god TARA HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW HER. Also, JoXDarryl OTP!

_**CHAPER 14 HAREMONY**_

HARMONY rans in. "Hiya guyes," se sed.

"Who ar u?" I asked keenly. **I'm Xiaohui, oh you were asking Hermione's name!**

"ei em HARMONY!" HARMONY said. **Not even close**

"cull,' sed. Im… … … … … … …

"JO BELLE PUTTER!" HARMONY sed. **Does everyone know her?**

"yea!" jO bekkE sED;

HARMONY CHEERED. She had a jo bekke t shirt on. She wore jo BElKe earings, and JO bekle stamped pantz. She Also had a ho belle arm bracelet. She also had a JO belle ring on. And her finger nales had J-O-B-E-L on each hamd. "IM UR BIGGEST fan," HARMONY SAID. **Creepy...**

"cull I,' sed.

"yeh, can I sit her?'" HARMONY said. **No.**

"Sur."

"NOW I hav 2 tell u somthin.. …. … … … … …


	15. Hamlet is Hagrid

Chapter 15

**aN Stup flaMIN MI STURY!1111111111111111111111111 Dayrryl is AmAZIN!111111111111111 I LVUU U DARRYL **YAY DARRYL

CHAPTr 15 Da secret of HARMONY

So HARMONY told us she had a secrit 2 tll us. i got all exited. "WUT is it,' ei esked.

Then the hugwetrs epres got there. We got of.

den we saw hamlet and he was aall lik, "FIRST YEERS GET UR BUTS OVR HER!11111111111" **OH MY GOD HAMLET IS HAGRID**

So we got oovr der. Hamlet den sed, "now evry1 get on a tracter." **Jo bekke is 17 she should be in like 7th year**

we AKK got on tractors 2g2 hugwrts. The rid der waz relly cull. EXCEPT… … … … … … … … … … … …. .. .. .. HARMONY FELL OFF DA TRACTER! **Hogwarts is across fucking water. You can't ride tractors to fucking Hogwarts.**

2 B CONTNUDE\


	16. Neville the toad

Chapter 16

_**IF U FLAM UR REPURT UR OBVOUSLEE A STUPID BLLAAK GAE UGLEE LIBREL HO NORTUHURNER!11111111111 daRRYL thanks 4 da editin!11111111111111111111111**_

_**Chapty 16: Trever and Nevil **_

HARMONY fell off da tracter. I scremed anxiecially.

"!'''''''''''''' we SHouteD/ **You shouted apostrophe's and a exclamation point?**

Den she got bak on dda tracter. "Im k,' se sed.

"BUT. .. … … … …. … …. … … .. … I FOUND DIS TODE NAMD NEVIL" **NEVILLE IS THE TOAD NOW?**

TRever sed, ":HES MI TODE!111" **No Trevor, you're the toad**

HARMONY gav trever his tode.

Den HAmlET tuk us into da grate hall,. PRufESsur McDonald was der/ "HO, I AM PRUFESSUR McDONALD?" she saod/ **MINERVA?**

Then he took us to the big door. She sed. "DIs iz Wer U WILL B SURTD!" he sed. **Finally, We get to see what house she's in.**


	17. Sorting Ceremony

**Chapter 17**

_AN If U FLAM ur obvuslee a DUFUS! BY THE WAY, I LUV U DARREL_

CHAPTRe 17: DA SURTIN CERUMONEE. **YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY**

Prufesur mcDonold tuk us into the dining rume. "DIS WER U will b surtd,' MCGNALD" she sed sadly. **Why was she sad?**

She tuK us INTO da rume. AT the end of da hall der waz a cowboy hat on a stull. IT luked relly cull. HARMONY sed, "OOOH I'm exited."

DEN Da surtin hat sang. "IM THE HAT! IM THE HST! EIM DA HAT! IM DA HAT! IM DA… … … … … … Hat!11111111111111111111111111111 **Oh no this is a Dora reference right?**

Den it sand, Der ar 4 hoses wer u will go. STI NKy slithern iz 4 da luser NOURTHURNERS!1111111 AND BLAK GAE UGLLEE PEPPles. DATs da wurst hose, **No, Slytherin is the greatest house shutup sorting hat!**

DEN b nm DEN drs ravenclawed wer da clever suthernors go. Den ders hufflpuf wer da butiful suthernurs go/ DEN DERS GRIFFYNDER!111111111111111 DATS WER DA BUTIFUL, CLEVER nd BRAVE suthenurs go. **Wrong, totally wrong.**

Den Prufessur mcdonald called mi nam. HE sed, "JO BELLE POTTR!"

jo bekke ran up to te stag. I put mi cowbuy hat on mi hed. "Oh," da sutin hat sad. **It's a cowboy hat?**

"UR jo BElke poter. Ur pretti, nd clever. UR also brav. UR NOT 1 OV DOSE STUPID GAE BLAK NURTHERNURS! so u shuld go in GRINFINDUR!" **HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET INTO GYRFFINDOR?**

Evrybodee chered 4 me cuz I luk relly cut. Den I sat down at greffendur. DEN Sum1 RAN IN DA rume! "LISEN UP DUFUSES!" IT WAZ… …. … … … … … … … … .. …. … … … … … … …. …. … . ….. SNALE! **SNALE OH NO**


	18. Nick, the nearly headless

**AN: Y r yall FLAMIN mi Struy? UR MEEN! Jus bcuz I hav views dosnt meen u kneed to b meen about it. BI DA WAY, I LUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV U DAARRYL. I CANT W8 4 TONITE~`````````````````````````` **WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TONIGHT HMMMMMMMMMMMM?

**Chapter 18 : DA KKK**

Den da GREFfenfdurs wen up to da towr. DEr was dis old man der. HE luked relly old. He was kinda pal nd ei culd c rite thru him. IT WAS… … … … .NEERLY HEDLIS KNIK! **OH MY GOD NICK NOOO**

"HELLLO' jo bekle, "I AM NEERly HEdliss KNik!111111111111111111111111"

"CULL,;' I sed.

"Yes, no I must tell u a awsum secrit!111111111111111111"

2 B CUNTINUDE. **Well, that was quick.**


	19. The KKK

Chapter 19

**A/N UR SO STUPID U DUMMEEZ!111111111111111111111111111 IM A BEDDER WRITER DEN U. YALL R JUS JELUS HOMOSXAULES!111111111111111 UR STUPID UGLEE GAE BLAK MUZLIM MURMEN CATHLIK KRISHTEN GEEK ORTHYDOX DUFUS AND NURTHURN!111111111111111 I H8 U!1111111111111111111 u KNEED 2 go 2 da hospital 4 STUPId medicin!11111111111111 ur a bunch ov luzers!111111111111111 o tanks to darel 4 chekin dis. **Translation?

**Chaptre 19: Nerely Hedliss Kniks secrit,**

Neerly Hedless knick sad dat he waz ourt of a SECRIT orginzaton. He sed it waaz calld da KKK. We dnt lik gaes, blaks, muzlims, mormens, Baptists, nurthernurs, cathliks, greke orthydoxes, canadeeins, azains, dufuses, and nurthurners. **I find this offensive because I'm asian. Plus didn't the KKK only target blacks?**

"cull ised."

"It iz cull," he sed.

"du u wnt 2 join?" **No**

"OF CURSE I DO!11111111111" **Damn**

"Now we mst get ur outfit…." He sed trimupntaphy/

2 B CNTUED!11111111111111111111111


	20. Dumbledorf

Chapter 20

**AAN: STOP FLAMING U DUMBLEDORKS!111111111111111111111111 UR JUS STUPID MUZLIM NURTHURNURS.**

**Chaptr 20: I tlk 2 HARMONY and haree**

**HARMONY sed, so did u jone da kkk?" **No.

"**yeh, lol," I sed happly.**

**:cull" haree sed. **

**Trevur cam up, "HAV U Ceen mi tode?11"" he sed happlee. **No Trevor the toad

"**No u dumbledorf I havnt.' **DUMBLEDORF?

'**k,' he sed. **

**:hoe did he get into GREFFINDUR?" I asked. **MORE LIKE HOW DID YOU GET INTO GRYFFINDOR?

"**No clu,' haree sed.**

**HARMONY sed, "So wat shuld we do 2morowe?'**

"**We shuld go visit prufesur McDonald, **I wish I could have a double mcspicy but it's currently 5:51am and mcdonalds doesn't serve lunch till 11. Ahh I can't wait to have my double mcspicy with jasmine green tea. Also mcdonald's here in singapore has delivery! Also KFC here has rice buckets. Mmmm.

**" she's lik da best suthern teacher evr!" **I agree about Mcgonagall being the best professor

"**Yeh, she is," HARMONY sed. **

"**Ok den c u 2morow," I sed, waving by to HAryr and HARMONY. **Bye forever

**2 B CONTUNIED**


	21. Advanced Magic and a Pornkey

Chapter 21

**AN: DIS is a relly gud chaptr. IF U FLAM UR REPURT DEN UR AN NURTHURNUR!111111111111111111 Ur also a lusr hoo haz no life. **I see...

**Chatey 21: Prufesur mcdonalds secrit**

Dan ex dae we went 2 da prufessurs rume. "good.' He sed, 'nowe ive got a secrit 2 tell u."

"Wat iz it.' we asked eXitedlee. **Nothing you dumbledorfs**

"Im gunna showe u how to do ADAVENCED majik." He sed. **Oh no...**

HARMONY screamed, "yah,'' **Nothing says screaming like no exclamation points**

I rolld mi eyes. Den prufessur mconld showed us how she did da advanced majik. "Dis iz relly culkl I sed.

DEN SOM1 CAM IN DA RUme! IT WAZ… … … … … …. … .. … …. PRUFESSUR OLLEE, nd HE WAZ HULDING A PORNKEY!1111111111111111 **A PORNKEY? I assume she means porcupine?**

2 B CUNTINUED


	22. secrit purtkey

Chapter 22

_AN: U DUM IGNURAMUSES! U SUK! I hat u! STOp flamIN me. IM nut A TRULL!1111111 DO I liv undr a bridge? NO, den how ca trull? U dumbledorfs hav NO LIF!111111111111 IF U REPURT ME den ur a dum muzlim, wos probly a gae nurthernur 2! I H8 U! Btw tanks to0 darryl for da editin, Ur DA BEST BF EVR!1111111111111111111111 CHEK OTE HIZ STURY. ITZ ABOUT HAAREE GEDDING A NEW TRUK!11111111_

Chaptr 22: Prufesur olees secrit purtkey **What is a purtkey?**

Olee was holdin the portkei. "Alrite now dat uve lerned dis VERY advancd majic. U need 2 go 2 dumbldums office. Uze this 2 get der." **It's been like 2 seconds**

We wen thru the purtkey. Prufesur Dumbledore was sittin in his easy chair. He rolld around and luked at us. "Nowe, nowe children. I hav sumthin 2 telly u." **Easy chair? YOU MEAN A ROLLY CHAIR**

"we luked at eech uther. "What is it?"

"Well, lisen her."

'I knede sumthin do/" **No you don't**

"wat iz it?" wee asked.

"Ok dufuses, dis isz wat it iz," dumbldor sturts/

We w8ed suspicusly. **How do you wait suspiciously?**

Ten Dumbledore sed. "you must help me on a secrit progect!"

2 B CUNTINUDE!


	23. da gient skwid

Chapter 23

_**AN: STOP FLAMIN!1111111111111 I TINK UR ALL A BUNCH OF DUMBELLS!1111 U SUK!111111111111111111 IF U REPURT UR A MUZLIM BLAK PERSUN! oh nd tanks 2 darryl 4 chekin! Reed hiz stury!11 hes on mi favorites list. **_

_**Chaptr 23: da gient skwid**_

We all wundrd. What waz da secrit project? We wundrd all dae. **Hmmm**

Den we wen out 2 da gr8 lake. It waz relly cool. We w8d ther 4 a wile. **Is this part of the project?**

Den donald ran ovr 2 de edg. He luked over nd then… … … … … …. … … THE GIENT SKWID GRABED HIM!1111111111111111 **I've seen too many animes to know where this is going**

_**2 B CONTINUDE!**_


	24. stupid REPORTERS

Chapter 24

**A?N U GOT MI STURY TAKEN DOWEN!1111111 I H* U! sTUp FLAMINg mi STORY! LUSErs ur all blak and gae. Lso tanks 2 darel 4 chekin/ AT Leest he LUVS me. Reed hiz stury.**

**Haptr 24: Da stupid REPORTERS**

Den a bunch of dum REPORTERS cam nd wer stupid. I beet tem up (DAARREL WILL BEET U UP IF U KEEP BEIN MEAAN 2 Me!) **Oh no i'm soooooooooo scared**

I kiked der *******. Xden I lafed at da DUM BLAK GAE NURTHURN repurturs. Then I shut them wi? Mi pich4k wand. Dey fell ovr nd died, **Oh no not their *******. Also RIP**

Den aftr a day or 3 we decidd 2 hlp donald. **Why after a day? Lazy bastards**

I divd in da water. I swimd in. I piked up donald and pulld him ote. **He's dead!**

"JO BEKKE U SAVD ME!111111111111111" he shoted.

"I knoe."

DEN HE KISSD ME…. …. …. … … …. ….. …. … ….. …. … … **GASP**

2BCONTINUDE!11111111111111111111111


	25. Donald and Jo Bekke

Chapter 25

**AN: so k, lusers/ Dis is MI story, I dint compee any1, u northurnurs obvusly dnot get dis. Il hav 2 tell u agin. Alrtie STOP FLAMAIING!1111111111**

**Chapter 25: Donled nd I**

I kissed him bak, but im a bedder kissr anyway,

I was gthinkin about skoolwork and that I waz goin 2 hamlets after schull 2day. Im glad we get 2 go 2 Hamlets. Hopfully data idiot boy trever dosent try to come gwith us!11 he is sooooooo noying. **I know right?**

So I was kissin donald and den all of a suden!... … ….. ….. ….. …. …. …. ….. ….. ….. …. . … .. Hamlet caam up!111111111111 **Hi Hagr... I mean Hamlet**

"Wat iz it?" I esked suspiculy. **Nothing**

"Kwirrel haz ben Found brakeing into da CHAmber oF secrets!111111111111111111111111 **I finally figured out that kwirrel is supposed to be Quirrell**


	26. Darryl's here

**An: STOP mflaminf!111111111 I ***** h8 u. ur a bunch of simple lusrs. Thanks to Darryl 4 checkin da story.'**

**Chaprte 26: da 3rd corridor,**

"That's terrble I sed angrily.

'I knoe," Hamlet said.

"Wata shall we do" I askd.

"Evry1 importent is meetin by da 3rd corridor." Go ther

We wntr ther. HARMONY luked around suspicuslee. "waat is that 3 heded dog doin there?" she wondrd. **Fluffly!**

Den professor mcdonagol flew in on her raven brome (Dos any1 ls thin she loks lik a raven?_ **No?**

"culm dowen every1"

WE REN DER. "HELP me ?" TreVOR screamed suspiciously. **NO**

THEN. …. ….. ….. … DUmbledure flew in!

"alrite every1 go bak to ther rumes!111111"

We went to our rooms, but Donald held me bak. "Wat is it?" I askd.

"Mi nam isn't rely donaald he said?" **Oh?**

"OMG, wat is it thn?" I asked, cautiously.

"Darryl!1111111111" he sed. **NO DARRYL IS IN THIS STORY?**

"Well idc wat ur nam is!1111111 I lov u anywae!"

"i lov u 2!" he sed, den he kissd me! **Eugh...**

2 B CONTINUDE!1111111111111111111111111111


	27. Haree's Massage

Chapter 27

**AN: hey gufd NEWS!111111111 1 of mi friends is joinng ffn!1111111111 **SHIT!

**she a gr8 riter, and shes darryls sister. I cnt w8 till she posts her stories on her. Dey r realy good. **

**\**

**Chaapter 27: darryl **fuk of darril!

Wen I fuomd out that donalds nam is darryl I was plesently surpirsed. Den I go all exited when he kissd me.

The next day we had transformation. We all ent der. Profeesru McDonald was teaching his class. ALrite, "she said, "every1 needs 2 find ther cetes. **You mean Transfiguration? Is mcdonald a boy or a girl here?**

Wen found r cetes. Daonryld was sittin nex 2 me. HArmioney was sittin on mi othr sid. She was werin a jo belk t shirt 2dae. **When isn't she?**

"I luv ur tshirt," I say. **That's because you're on it.**

Then job el went bak to her work. Prufesur mcdoneld drond on nd on about turning pigs intyo desks. Bi da time the lesun was d1, me nd donald wer the only ones that had d1 it. **Turning pigs into desks?**

SO then prufesur mcdonuld sed, "alritee dumbdorfs u can go now. Draco do a bunch of homework bcuz I relly dnt lik u."** Wow, not cool**

Darryl and I lafed.

THEN…. …. ….. …. …. … HAREE CAM UP!

" I hav a massage 4 u!111111111111111" he sed. **Oh thank goodness. I literally just woke up and my back is sore.**

"WAT?/"

"we hav 2 go 2 dumvbledore noew!" **No it's only 5am :(**


	28. One word sentences

Chapter 28

AN: _OK, lusers u obviousle dntt get this! Agin! Ok, u sae a trull is sum1 hoo writes bad. But do I rite bad? no. den how c troll? By da way I read mi immortal. It is stupid!111111111111 is abote a dum bi gurl with no lif? Shes proby a northurnur!111111111111 Y wuld I copee a stupid sturee lik dat? I wuldnt, dats y. O bi da way, thakns to darryl for chekin this stury. _**YOU'RE DISSING MY IMMORTAL THE MOST FAMOUS FIC EVER? Whatever bitch**

_Chapter 28:\_

_**I wen 2 dumbldurs office. "Waat is it,' I easkd the old prufesur?**_

_**It turns ote ur reel parents rnt ded. Dey realy wer jus hidin frum voldemut. **_

_**Haree and I chered haply. "Im SOO XCITed 2 relly mete them," I sed.**_

_**Then we got da news, "We wuld c dem dis summer."**_

_**Then itt was tim 2 go bak 2 our klasses. **_

_**Dumbldore sent us off to bed. **_

_**On da **___why

_**Wae **_this

_**I saw **_way?

_**Donuld sittin in the cornr cryin.**_

_**Wat **_stop

_**Is **_it

_**It," I asked. **_now

"_**U rnt goin 2 b Able 2 cum ovr this summer." **_Why?

"_**I lafed," don't wworrry about it," I can still cum" **_Never spell come like that again

_**We chered about it then Fredrick cam up 2 us,."Hey guyes I found aaway into da kitchen!" **_You mean the great hall?

_**2 B CONTINUDEQ!11111111111111111111111`**_


	29. House Elves

Chapter 29

**AN: Ok, u obviously dnt undrstnd. DUMBVELDUR WAZ GAE!11111111 then, he dcided not 2 b aftr grindwald btrayed him. **Wrong!

**Then, in mi stury he dcides to muve down south, nd bcam a southerner. So STOP FLAIMNG! I AM wae better then u dumbledorfs..Oh and tanks to daarryl 4 checking da struy, and 2morrow SARA is postin a stury, wer all Xcited. Shes like, mi best frend. **No GO AWAY SARA NO ONE IS EXCITED

**CHAPTER (: **

We all went hapily 2 the kitchens. We wne t nd then I gut all xciTEd bcuz darryl nd I wer holdin hands. **What kind of excited?**

Fredrik took us to da kitchens. Wen we got to the panting of teh pare, Fredrik tikeld it, "Goochie goochie gu!1111111" je yelld/

The pare screemd in plezure. "Yah!1111111" it yelld. **YAAAAAS FREDRICK YAAAAAS**

Finely we got into da kitchens. Der wer all surts of gremlins der! "hEY, I thote u worked at gingnotes.!" **Gingnotes? Are those notes for gingers?**

Wer not gremlins, daa thing sed, "WEr… …. …. ….. ….. …. ….. ….. … ….. ….. … …. . HOUS ELVS!\ **OMG WHERE'S DOBBY**

"omg. I dint think yall existed anymore"

"We dint," lol, den we cam bak." **How is that possible**

"Cull I sed."

"Yes… so job el, we hav a secrit 4 u!" **Ooo secrets**

TOO B CUTNIUDE!


	30. Which professor is gay?

Chapter 30

**:NA: OK, lisen up yall. STOP FLAOMING MI STORY! B\y the wae, my spellins gotten beter. Thaanks to darryl for checking da struy. **

**Chapter 30: Te Hose ELVES secrit.**

"Wat is your secrit," I askd xCitedLY.

"ONE OF THE TEachers is. **Is?**

is gay!" te hosue elf shoted in agst. **GASP. I wonder which one?**

"I cnt bleve it1 Which 1?" **I bet it's snape**

"NOT DUMBLDRUR! He shoted. **Oh it's dumbledore?**

"Da truth is, one sed," we cnt tell u cuz were pece lovin cretures hoo r frum new zeelend. We dnt want him 2 die." **Awww...**

"Gae fags!111111111" jo belle shouted and ran out. **Yeah that makes them gay how?**

2 B… CONTINUED!`1111111111111111


	31. The Hacker

Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I AM NOT JO BEL. Other things I am not: Jo Belle, Jo Bekke, Jo Bek, Jo Belke, or any other derivative of the name. I am not the owner of Harry Potter. **Yay a hacker! 33333333

**Claimer: I am a troll, and I just hacked (Well, I say haacked. What I really did was guess her password). Her password is VERY easy to guess by the way. **was it Ilovedarryl1?

**A/N: The reason I did this: I was getting extremely ticked off (No way!) and I say that My Immortal had been hacked before. I thought that if someone could hack Tara Gilesbies' account, then surely someone could hack this one. **

**Now I don't really know what to do. Oh well, guess I'll go the My Immortal route.**

Chapter 31: Waking Up

When I, Jo Beke Potter, woke up from my nap, I knew something was wrong. I was black, gay, northern, muslim, basically everything my sad little mind hated. So I jumped off Hogwarts. I died. **YES! Bless you hacker**


	32. Hacker posts the next chapter

Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: I AM NOT JO BEL, I don't own Harry Potter.**

**A/N: Oh dear, Jo Belk. Listen to this: I didn't change her password. So I log onto her account today, and she's replied to PMs, and put a new chapter in the doc manager. Get this: SHE DIDN'T CHANGE HER PASSWORD. She knew she'd been hacked, and she didn't bother changing her password. Come to think of it, she probably doesn't know how to. Anyway, I wasn't going to post her chapter, but somehow I found it (I'd forgotten how to get a doc from there so it was hard). It's probably her most hilarious one yet. Here it is. **Hi again hacker!

An: LuKe her daaryl, u shuld edit this, its not mi fult I got pregnant!1111111111 U shuld hav used a comdon, ugh I hat u!111111111111 Darrel u ned 2 go 2 kell. **Ew don't let this hellspawn breed**

Chaptre 32 **(Wow, I notice she counted my chapter…)**: jo bel ifinf hlp.

I wnt 2 dumbludroe 4 hlp. ;"DUMVBLDUMR DERS SUM1 gae at hugwrats! o and donald is gay 2 and he fell of a clif. **I thought donald was darryl?**

"o mi gush hoo is it?" dumdunelr aked susporciously. **SUSPORCIOUSLY?**

"idk dda stupid new zlenders wuldnt tell em! **Oh so the house elves are new zealanders?**

Dats terribl we shuld do sumthin}" dumblerudor sed Xitedlty

DEN SNALE RAN IN: "FLUFFY KELlEd HAMLET! **OH SHIT**

3 b cuntonied

**A/N: God help us all if this is real.**


	33. Hagrids Alive

Chapter 33

**NA: GEss wat? ;ol it terns out im not relly pregnant. **Thank god

**Lol . I jus thru up nd som1 told mew if that happns ur pregnant sso I bleived them. **Wow...

**Anwyway darryl and I lafed abotue it. BI DA WAY!11 sum stupid person haked me so i… …. … … … .CHANGED MY PASSWORD! **SO AMAZING

**isnt that cool? **No

**SO DNT FLAME!11111111111111111 oh ny the way thanks 2 darrel 4 cheking!111111111111111111111111**

**Chapter 33:**

We all ran 2 hamlet \. We all sawed him. "HAMLIT R U k?" Hemony asked.

"Im fine," he said, jokingle. I wasz just joking lol!111111111" **Hahaha so funny right?**

zWe aall lafed about it.

2 b cONTINued


	34. Update

**Next week I'm going to China for vacation from the 11th to the 17th so I won't be able to update that much during that time. I'll try to finish about 15 chapters this week so I don't have so much to do when I get back**


	35. Darryl and jo bel talk

**Chapaer 34: Me and donald talk about life. **Great

**So, jjo bn=ele" I hav to talk to u,'" darryl said **jjo bn=ele?

"**WHAT is IT," I SCREAMED annoyed. I had just been readin a book about trakters and it aws really good. **When isn't a book about tractors not good to you?

"**Im sory that I thote u were pregnant." He said, hastily. **Yes, so glad she wasn't

_**THAT'S fin," I alredy told him.**_

_**Itt waznt your fult.'**_

"_**OK:" job el," donaald said.**_

"_**so wat do u want 2 do 2morrow?"**_

"I was thinking _about goin to bass pro shop in __hogsmead on the trip Saturday, __**what do u think?/" **_BASS PRO SHOP? Oh no...

""_**LETS DO IT!111111111111"**_

_**2 b continued!**_


	36. The Hacker returns

Chapter 35

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, I am not jO belke. **Yay the hacker!

**A/N: So I'm back! Poor jo bekle.**

**Dear jo bele,**

**Whenever you change a password, do not change the number from 1 to 2. **Ilovedarryl2?

**Love,**

**Your Hacker. **No, I love you hacker


	37. bass pro and rosies cafe

Chapter 36

**An: ok peoples, STOP FLAmiNG!111111111111111111111111**

**ANd mr. haker: I changed mi PISSWORD AGIN!111111111111111 hahaha u'll nevr gess it!11111111 ur just a northurn luser with no lif!111111111**

**Capter 36: Bass pro shop **I've never been in a bass pro before but i've heard of it

**Darryl and I went to hogsmede on the day we wer suppods 2.**

**Then when we got ther, DUMBELDOR was ther!11111111111111111 **Why was dumbledore there?

"**hi Dumbledore," I said. **

"**oh hi," he said hpapply."**

**]**

" hav you ben wondering wat the secrit project is?" **No**

"OMG yes, wat is it?" donald and I said,

"Well, he said' you are going to b mi spies on kwirrel and snalpe, those stupid northerners!1111111" **Oooh**

"Cull,"

"oh, and u know how I said ur parents were alive?"

"Yeh," we saiad,

"Well there comin 4 HALLOWEEN " Dumbledore said. **GASP**

"cool, waat r u dressing up as" hary asjed,

"obama~" dumdledor said. **WHAT**

"WHAT?'" we scremed/

\

"yeah, im gonna petren blak nurthurn idiot, itll b funny cuz I can akt relly dumb" **Too bad obama is from the west aka Hawaii...**

"Yeh"

"Did u know obama waz a suthurnur?"" donald asks. **Yeah, a southerner from Hawaii...**

"Yeh,," dumbmbldroe said," then he painted his skin blak and became a nurthurnur." **That doesn't make sense? Obama is mixed...**

"TRateor," job eke said.

"I knoew!" Dumbledore said suspicusly. N

Then we went 2 look thru bass pro shup. I got a fishing rod wand 2 go with mi pich4k wand. **They sell wands at bass pro?**

":Nice chicoe," darryl said, "I got aa new tractor," je said.

"cool, I sed.

Then we went in2 the rosies café.

We wen in and rosie sadi.

"Hi dis is the best suthurn café in the world!11111 wer would u lijke 2 sit?" **Rosie's cafe aka KFC**

"Not with any nurthurners that's for sure!" we sdai happily. **Well why would northerners be allowed in a southern cafe anyways?**

"Don't worry we don't let northurn skum in here/ **See?**

"O good," darryl said.

"Yeperoom,' so,' she said. "Wat wuld tou like?"

"we both want fried chiken," I sed. "With sum biskits.". **Mmmm fried chicken and biscuits**

"ok, lol," she sasid, and let.

THEN…. … … … …. . . .. . .. …. …. …. .. … … .. .. . . ….. .. . .. ….. …. … …

HAMLET WALKED UP

2 b continued!


	38. Hagrid follows them

Chapter 37

**AN:STOP FLAMING! Y won't yiu stop?/**

**Chapter 37: HAmelt keeps gollowing us!11111111**

"ahmlet are you stalking us agin?" **Me? Stalk you? Hellllllll no**

:Yes," he admitted.

"Well, mr, hamgrid, STOP IT!11111111111111111111" its getting annoying anf I don't like it!" jo belle said unfortunaltey **Too bad slut**

Hahgret started crying, "Why do you hav 2 b so mean 2 me?"

"Didm't Dumbledore already tell you?" daryl asked. "You skottish people are like our pets. :Your kind of silly." **No! you're silly**

HAgret ran away crying. **Awwww**

"Stupid skottish personm" I sid.

THEN… ….. TREVER CAME UP! **Hi trevor**

TWO BEEEEEE CONTINUUUUUED!1111111111111111111!1

~!#$%^&I&*Y^%&#&%$TU^%HJV BJDUBDOUHOISIFOSN_x_

_cnI__**opfjlkdjfilsk **__**foinsklncjndsjbcjnm njjj bss **_Can someone translate?


	39. The hacker again

Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I AM NOT jo delke.**

**A/N: Greetings, once again. I really thought I was blocked out for good. I tried for an hour to guess her password (not much life here), and finally I decided **_**enough. **_**I tried one more time, and got it! Poor jo bekle. I felt kind of sorry for her. Then I saw something about someone committing suicide when they read this! I don't know if it's true, but if it is, that's pretty sad! Anyway…**

Dear jo bekel,

I hate you, It doesn't matter if I'm gay, black, _or _Northern! **Preach it sister**

I hate you,

Your Hacker **333333**


	40. Oprah?

Chapter 39

**A/M: Ugh. StOP FLAINIMG!11111 honesley, if somon dide then its ther OWN FAULT!111111111111111 I relly don't car. You need to stop bein meen 2 ME!1111111 Ugh, bi da wae thanks 2 darel 4 eidiiting the story**

**Chaptr; Wich chapter are we on? I tink its number 39. but if you count that stupid HAKER, that dum one!1111111 then it mite be numbr 39.**

"trever, what the hek are you doing with us?" **I don't know**

"I don't know he sad," aand ran away!11111111

"Ugh,' hes annoying. I says.

" I knoe," darry said.

We continued to eet our fude. donald and i startd talking. We talkd aabout all sorts of stuff. It was very cull. Then some blak lady cam up… she was RELLY fat!11111111 **Sounds like my 9th grade teacher.**

IT WAS… … …. …. … … … … … … … … … … …. …. …. … … … … …. …. … … …. …. … ….. …. … …. .. . . .. . … … … …. … … …. … .. … … … … … … … … …. … …. … … … … … … . ….. …. …. … . .. . ….. …. … ….. …. …

OPRA WHIMPFREE. **OPRAH?**


	41. Oprah is from Mississippi

Chapter 40

**An: UGH!111111111111111111111111 STUP FLAMIN AND HAKIN MI STORY!1111111111111111111111 its MI stury. Not your, you hav no rite to hak it!**

**Chaotyr 40 ( I think it numbr 40 at leest) **

"Wat are you dong here opra?' darrl asked,

"bein a fat blak nurthurner!111111111111111" she screemed. **Too bad Oprah is from Mississippi and that's in the south. Check back later**

Then the poppys arrested her for bein blak. "GO BAK WER U CAM FRUM!111111111111111" we said. **The poppys... right. Also go back to Mississippi! Which is in the south!**

Then the whole restrunt cheered 4 us. **Booooooooooooo**

"YAH jo bekle you're the best!" they cheered. **No you aren't**

Then harry came up,  
JO BELKE SNale and kwirrel hav been found being northhernurs, we need your help!

"We ran 2 hogwarts!1111111" **No you didn't**

Snale and kwirrel were sitting, all chained up. Dumbeldore was wipping them up. "Nowe, he said, (I shall bake you in2 a cake!,_+++== **Um ew?**

"O no,"' they cried.

Then we thru roks at them. "Yur so dum!111111111111111111" we yelled.

they all CRide susPICuslY. "Stop bein meen 2 us!111111111111111111111111111" they yelled.

Then we took them 2 the tortur chamber.

"!" they screemed, **They screamed exclamation point?**

then…. WE PUT THEM ON THE RAK!

They got all stretched out and thin.. **Easy way to lose weight.**

"HAHHAAHAHAHAHHA,' stupid nortuhrners, we yelled,

THEN… … … … … .. .HEMUIone came up….

.

.

…..

….

…..

…

….

"JO BELE WE NEED YOUR HELP DECERATIN 4 HALLOWEEN!' **Yay halloween!**

2 b continued.


	42. Who put up the decorations?

Chapter 41

**STOP FLAMING! i gat you! If somon dide its ther own fault!11111111111 I DON'T CAR!1111111111111111 nobody cares is that dumb person dide!1111111111111111**

CHAPter 41: Dekeorations

I showed them the rite way to fix up the dekeratins. 'LUKe her dumbledorfs, this is ho u do it!''''''''' I shoted ata them. **Showed who?**

Then sumbody ran up!

IT WAS….

OPRA! SHE HAD ESCAPED FRUM PRIZIN! **Yes! Oprah escaped!**


	43. Michelle Duggar

Chapter 42

**AN: stop flaming pleaz. If anyon else dose a commentary on mi story…. ILL B VERY MAD!11111111111 Stop reporting flamin hakin and doin commentatin on mi story**

**Chpater $: MICHel DUGAr**

**(o bi the waay, thanks to saara 4 letting me uze her character of michel duggar and her 28 kids!111111 **Sara has no right to use Michelle Duggar

**\**

Opra u stupid fat nurthurnur what r u doin here?" **Once again, Oprah is from Mississippi. Mississippi=South.**

"OPRA LAFED RIDIKOLOUSLY "omgtisa!

"Go away dumbeldorf." **Why does she call everyone dumbledorfs?**

Opra ran aways crieng sadky,

THEN…. … … … MIChlel dugAR AB\ND her 19 kids showed up!11111111111111111111111111111 **How did they get to Hogwarts?**

2 b cONRTINUED


	44. Sex ed with Michelle Duggar

Chapter 43

**NA: STOP FLAMIN!111111111111111 Also, Stop doin the commentaries!11111111111111111111111111111 I H8 U` **

**43: Secrits **

"omg ur that lady that hs 2-9 KIDS!111111111111" **No she only has 19.**

"Yep lol,/' michelle duggar says jokingly/ n

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.'/ tats hillareeous. **How is that funny?**

"I no, lol!111111111"

"So wat r we doing todae?"

'well Im going to teech u about SEX EDUCATION!" **Oh no...**

LoplololololoLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

Then Dumbledore cam up, "I wnt 2 lern 2 !111111111111" **Dumbledore you're like 100 years old calm down.**

'thers rume 4 evry1" she says lfing/ **WHY IS SHE LAUGHING?**

Den her 12 kids sat dowen 2 lern!11111111111111111111111111111 **Now she has 12 kids?**

SUDDNLEE: SOME DINGLE CAM UP 2 US!1111111111111111111 **Some dingle?**

TQWO BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CONTINEUED!


	45. Aberforth

Chapter 44

AN: STUP FLAAMING AAND DOIN COMMENTAREES!1111111111111 if u flam then GO HLL!

Chapter 44

IT WAS…

ELEN DEGENERIS! **ELLEN?**

"OMW your that gay lady!11111111111' **Yeah...**

"yep that's me," she said.

GO AWAY FREEK!11111111111111111' I SCREEMED. **She's not a freak! You are!**

sHE RAN AWAY CRIEN.

thEN MICHELE DUGGAR SAD, "NOWE WE CAN STURT THE LESON." **No we can't**

"wait!"

it WAS…..

DUNBLECORES TWIN BRUTHER ABWEDORTH! **Aberforth?**

2 B CONTIINUES


	46. Be sad

Chapter 45

**ASTOPL FKANING!**

**i am NOT TERA Gikespie!11111111111111111111111 she a dum NURTHURNER, whos bi!1111111111111111 shes also relly DUM! **Tara is a fucking legend. Back off basic bitch.

**Chapter 45**

"

WAT R _**U **_doin here?" dumvbledore aksed.

:IM SORRY PRUFESUR!11111111111111" he screemed with angst!1111111111111111111111111111

"dats ok, I knoe ur gae,' Dumbledore said. **I thought dumbledore was gay?**

Abwerforyh cried and runs away. Then dumvkerore saith, "I thinkith that though shuld continue with da lessun Michele dugur!''** No we shouldn't**

'ok she says sadluy. "Wats wrong?/" we all sked happily.

"iM pregnant" **Again?**

"YA!1111111111111" **No!111111111111**

""\I knoew I was jus pretending 2 b sad." **-smacks- BE SAD**

"ur relly smart," I sed.

"I knoe she said.' "dats because we homskull!111111111" **Good.**

"cull I sed.

THEN…. WE STARTED LERNING!

2 B CONTINUDE!


	47. All her boyfriends are naked

Chapter 46

**Na: STOP FLAMIN!1111111111111 idont car about non of u!111111111 I hop U commit sucide 2! Bi da wwae tanks to darrel 4 checkinG!1111111111111 I love YoU!1111111**

**Chapter 46: DA BEST 1 yet **Orly?

**We keprt learning. :"OK dis is ho you do this" Michel dugar says; Showin us how/**

**It waz relly fun. Then I luked across thee table!111111111**

**IT WAZ?**

**Drako MAfLOY! **draco?

"**Omg u northurn gae wat r U doin here.**

"**I DECIDED TO BCUM A SURTHURNER!11111111111: HE YEllllled **You can't just convert.

"**YA!111111111111111" al da sXXy southerners yeled.**

**:IM movin 2 grefindor!1" **You can't move houses either.

"**OMG DAts amzin!"**

"**Yes I knoe," he sadi. **

"**Sothernors are relly cool rnt thwey?" I said.. **Not those southerners

"**YES THEY R!111111111111111111" Draco yelled.**

"**Ur relly cool now that ur suthern!11111111" I saiad. **No he's not

"**O thanks you!111" he said juicily.**

**:YUR WELCUM!11111111111111"**

"**Bi thee way im changing mi name to jim bob!11111111111" **Ew?

"**OMG dats mi husbands nam!11111111" michel duggar said happly!11111111 **Oh my god it is. She's actually right about something!

**LOLOL**

**Then jim bob ssaid. "I THINK UR RELLY PRETTEE!"**

"**O THNK U!111111111" I said. **

**Then donald cam up, "WAT DO U THINK UR DOIN MR PEE BRAIN!11111111111111111111111111111 **PEE BRAIN?

"**IM FLIRTin with ho belle, lol" **ho belle. that seems about right.

"**SHES MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII GF!11111111111"**

**Then \darryl and jim bob strted fitein over me!111111111**

**THEN HARRY came up, "jo belke ur RELLY Prettee!1111111111111" **Harry?

"**WAT DA HEK?"**

**I runs out of the rume Donald drako and harry wer following me! They wer singin mi favorite tayler swit songs and had ROSES!111111111111111111111111 **

**I wnt to MCDONALD **Ooooh Mcdonalds!

"**prufeser mcgonald evry body LUVS me!1111111111111" **So you didn't go to Mcdonald's?

**Then prufesur mcdonald said, "DATs ok jo bekel?**

**Thanks 4 gelpin me.**

**:UR welcum!111111**

**Tehn I ran 2 the rume of recwiremnt. DOBBY WAZ THER,…. AND HE WAZ….**

**DOIN IT WITH KREECHER! **OH MY GOD

**I **_**pulled out mi pich4k wnd and started poking them!1111111111111111111111**_

STUPID NEW ZEELENDERS!11111111 I screemed.

They run awaycrying, then I ate som biskits with fried chiken \\\

\

I luv the rume of rekwirement!

Suddenly all mi boyfrieds wer in the rume. THEY were all NAKED!11111111111111111 **why are they nekkid?**

We lLUV U THEY CRIDE

TOOO BEEEEEEEEE


	48. Jo bekke goes to jail Not really

Chapter 47

**AN: GO DI! I HOPE U DIE LIK DAAT sTUPid PERSUN HOO COMITTED SUIDICE!1111111111111111111111 **You do know you can get charged with Manslaughter, get fined $25,000 and go to jail if you tell someone to kill themselves and they do it if they find the evidence. True facts.

**IF U LIKE DIS STORY LIK A **_**REEL **_**SUTHURNER den I LOVE u!111111111 Thnks 4 the GOOD Reviows and NOT the flames!11111 bi the wae I H8 MI IMORTEL!1111111111 DAT STUPID NURTHURNUR is not mE!11111111111 Im a bedder writer then all of u!111111111111111111 NOW PLEEze revwei NOT flam. if ur a a aa flamer flamer then then then then then then then then you're a northur. **God damn stop stuttering.

**Ur probly gae and blak 2!1111111 **Well, I'm not gay but my friends are and I've seen some black people in singapore so.

**Alrite now this cjapter I reakky good. **It better be good motherfucker.

**BI THE WAE THANK U DARyl!111111111111111111 UR DA BEST EDIDOR EVER!111111111111111 AND THE BEST BF EVA!111111**

**DCHAPTER 47**

"**y R All of you stalkin me?/" I screamed. **Because they're going to kill you.

"**BECAUSE WE LOV U!1111111" darryl jim bob and harry said. **No they don't.

**:DATS KREEPY eVn THOUGH I LUV ALL OF U!11111111111**

**J**

**D**

**We**

**Love**

**YOU 2 JO BELLE!11**

**1**

**Theb they stated kreeping up 2 me, AND KISING MI FETE!1111111111 **What the fuck?

"**WAT DA HEK?**

**|\**

**E**

**WE LOVE YOU!111111111**

**THEN" DUMBLDUMER FLU iN ON HIS BRUME!11111111111111111111 **Nice spelling of broom

**He knocked up all mi stalkers!11111111111111111111 **HE DID WHAT?!

**he didn't hurt them 2 hard because there Surthurnurnurs and because I still kind ov lov them, Anyway Dumbledore thru them out of them rume.**

**Then kreeccher and ddoby cam up to us! :Wer gonna be suthurnures now because we H8 gae people" **You were gay like 2.5 seconds ago. Fun fact: NOT ALL SOUTHERNERS HATE GAY PEOPLE OK. She is just stereotype someone who happens to live in the south but they probably don't hate gay people. I learned from my previous 16 years of living in south carolina before I moved back that NO ONE there hates gay people, well atleast in my part of the state.

"**dats very smart,' dumbeldrie said,**

"**We knoe, now wer gonna tell u hoos gae at huwgorts!1111111111"**

"**OMG,"Dumbledore says!**

**then they ran off!111111 **

**Then dumbeldore said2 jo beke, "NOW U MUST GO SPI ON KWIREL AND SNOPE!1111111111111111 **YES SNOPE IS BACK

**I ran off to find them! They wer in the kitchen…. BEIN GAE!**

**OMG!1111111111" i yelled!11111111111111**

**They looked up from ther duck!1111111111 **Duck?

"**wat r U doin here jo bekle?/" they asked.**

"**DIs is da gae nurthurnurs place now!111111111111" **OH MY

"**O MI!11111111" I saod.**

**Tjen pansy spankinso sadi "omg r u lesbieen?" **Pansy!

"**! GO 2 HWELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!11111111111111111111111111"**

**I started shooting pich4ks at them **You mean spells right?

**They screemed in pane!1111111111**

"**WE cnt help bein gae!11111111" they yeld!1111111111**

"**GET OVER IT!1111111111111111111111111111 I shoted at them!111111111111111 U got a choice!111111111111111111 u cann still b sXy ssuthruoners!1111111111111111111111111**

**Tey cride "WE WNT 2 GO 2 HELL Cuz WER stUPId!11111111111111111111111**

"**" I lafed visibly!1111111111111111111**

**They ran aarounf in curcels cuz dats wat stupid LIBREL NURTHURNERSN DO!**

**Then I wnt off 2 eet food!111111111111**

**Darel was ther!**

"**WAT DA HEK?"**

"**IM surry I waz stalkin u naked jo belke but ur so pretee I cnt help it!1111111111111111111111111 **

"**dats ok I sadi!111111"**

"**So witch 1 of us did u chose?**

**I CNT TELL U YET!11111111111111111**

**Then jjim bob came up "JO BELLE I LOVE YOU!"**

**I was so socked I dint know wat 2 sae!11111111111 **She was socked in the mouth by me.

"**I knoe," I said.**

**Then hary ran up 2, "WHICH 1 OF US DID U CHOSE?/" They sad anxeicly!11111111111111111**

"**ILL TELL U in 3 DAES!11111111111111111"**

**HEN HERMONIE RUNS In," JO bel we need you 2 dekerate agin, dat stupid boy trever ruined EVERYTHIN!"**

"**O noe dats terrible!"**

"**I know hermionse said disproportionitly.**

**I ran 2 help tehm!1111111**

**Trever was der acting all stupid. THEN THEY TULD ME!**

**Trever is rlly just a DUM LIBREL!1111111 he snuk into greffindor with help frum his satanic granny!111111111111111111**

**I beet him up mailicously!1111111111111111**

**Then I shode every1 ho to mak a skelyton!11111111**

**Sdnly… **

…**..**

…**.**

…

**.**

…

**..**

**.**

…

**.**

…**.**

…

**DRAKO DON AND HARRY WER STALKIN ME AGIN! 11111111111111111 11111111111111111111111**

**TWOO BE CONUINUTED!**


	49. No one deserves to die

Chapter 48

**AN: STOP FLAIMING!1111111111111111 GO !11111111111111111111111111**

**IDC wat u think bout me, jus stop flaming!11111111111111 ur jus a gae nurthurer.**

**Nd stop telling me its mi fult dat guy comitned suicide!1111 dats his fault!111 and he waz probly a gae nurthuner so he DEZERVED TO DI!11111111111111111111111 **No one deserves to die. You're all beautiful and if you have thoughts about killing yourself, don't. I've gone through depression for 8 years and I know what it's like but I've slowly gotten better. I love you all. Also, how is she not in jail yet?

**I h8 u dum gae blak DUMBLEDORK northerners!11111111111111111111111**

**Bi da wae thanks to darryl 4 chekin mi awsum story!1111 I LUUUUUUUUV U!11111111111111111111 u gues r jus jelus!111111111**

**Ur probly fat like tat ladey frum DANC MUMS!11111111 I h8 dat show. **What dance moms is the best.

**Anywaye heres chapter 48 WOOHOO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~!#$%^&*()_+{}|":L?LKJHGFDFGHJHT**

_**DA SEKRIT OF DUMBEDLORE!11111111**_

_**We ran through the hal supicouslee**_

Then I wulked thru the valee 2 the stor. **What the hell is a Valee? You mean Valet?**

I saw JIM BOB STIL STAALKIN ME!1111111111111111111111111

"Jim bubba how manee times do I gotta tell u, ill tell u hoo I lov 2morrow!1111

Then I wnt 2 the haloween feest

Dumbeldoe cam up 2 me.

"WAT DA HEK!" he Xclamed

I knoe rite, I cnt bleeve sum dum NEW YURKER YANKEES got iinnvitded. **The entire New York Yankees team got invited?**

Th

En

We

Had

Dunner.

HTen I asked Dumbledore wher ihis cosutm waz/ HEs says, "!"

Then hje runs out of the rumwe contipated.

I YELLLED "Wat whoo has dun this terrible crime."

THEN?... ..

…

….

….

….

…

…..

….

DUBMLERODORE CAM In dressed as OBAMA!

"IM A Dum northerner he says vicously… **Too bad obama is from HAWAII WHICH IS IN THE SOUTHWESTERN PART OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN.**

Wee all lafed hapily….. THEN DUMBBLEODRE SAYS "I got A SUPRIZE 4 THE SUTHURNERS!"

THEN…

TAAYLER SWIT CAM IN ! **I admit. I like taylor swift but not in this story I don't**

She bgan 2 sing mi favorite sung!11111111111111111

She sanf about astupid gae people 2!11111111"

Then mi Dumbledore says, "bi the wae yur parents cnt cum because they dide agin!11111111111111" **Yes!**

"O NO!111111111111" I said.

Then hary tride to contort me. "BUT HE KISSED ME!1111111111111"

"O MI GOSH I LIKE TULD U ID TELL U IN tomorrow!11111111111

THEN…

JIM BOB AND DAAAREL CAM UP!1111111111111111

2 b continued…

D


	50. Jo bekke doesnt do shit

Chapter 49

**An: Her we gos another chaptr!11111111 sara mite be editin mi sturee 2!11111111 But she cant rite now cuz shes gotta catch up on skull because she wnt on vacation. Daryl doesn't rely car though so he edidid it 4 me! **

**STOP FLAMIN U FLOOZY BIMBOS!111111111111111111 **FLOOZY BIMBOS?

**Im nut a trull? U saud trull are peoples who rite badly! I RITE GOOD!1111111111 **You write good? Yeah, and I'm Beyonce. Haha

**Ok hers chaptere 49**

"OMG stop following me u stupid jim bob" **No**

"BUT I LOVE YOU!111111111111"

"well dats nice I klove you 2" **So you have to choose him now!**

Then we wnt 2 the Hogwrts gift shop!1111111111111

"WOOHOO," harmionee said, ridin the lttile trakter toy outside the shope!

THENprufesur mcgandal swope dowen on her raven brome!11111111111111111111111 **What how?**

"WAT DA HEK?" I said.

:NO plaein on da trakters!111" **DAMNIT**

Then we wnt 2 the git shop!1111} der was relly cool merchindice ther.

I bought howgerts snow globe, and hemrin one bout another jo belle t chirt, she also bought a a jo bekle snow glob!11111111111111 **Jo bekke is so popular here! Too bad no one actually cares!**

S

F

Then we wnt bak to the Halloween feest.

Prufesosr mchgongal was dressed up as a raven"

Then I dcided to spi on kwirrel and snaper!11111

I followed them down to the bacement and they…

…..

…..

…

…

…..

…

….

LET A TRULL IN!

We runs bak to tell dimbledor!111111111111

HE waz still dressed up as obama!1111111

we tuld him all about the trulls,' I sed "ILL FITE DA TRULL" **You'll fight yourself?**

"YOUR OUR ONLEE HOP JO BELKE! DImbledore cired!111111111

I ran to kwirrel and snap andbeet them up with mi pich4k wnd!11111111111111111111

They screamed.

Then I runs dowen the hall to fite a trull, I bete it up and IT WAS NORTHURN!11111

"IM DA EVIL SMELLI TRULL" it saod.

"Ugh stupid northerners" o soad

Then I rna thoru da hallways, "THEN DUMBLDEORE SAID…

"JO BEKKE HAS SAVED US ALL!1111111111 GO JO BELKE GO JO BELLE!" **What the hell? She didn't do shit. She just said "ugh stupid northerners" and then ran down the hall. She didn't even bother killing the troll so now you'll all die.**

Very1 started cheerin 4 me, because im so SXY!1111111111111111111111111

then I ran to jim bob, harry, and darel, "I WILL CHOOSE NOW!


	51. Satanic Granny

Chapter 50

**AN: STOP FLAming!1111111 HOE IS IT MI FULT DAT PERSUN DIDE? Its not mi fult!111111111 nd I dnt car anEway! Ugh!1111 sara waz gonna edit but then she had 2 fo 2 the dokter, so darrul edited it 4 me!111111 Iznt dat cull? **No

**Nd how can u tink im a trull? MI RITEN IS GOOD!111111111 **

**And u said ur mum works 4 the govurment is after me…. .. . …. Well I dnt care nd I DON'T believe u. daa government isnt scaree!11111111 ur nut comin after me!11111 **

**Nd I herd that sum wikken waz gonna tri nd use dark majik to hurt me….. WELL IM NUT AFRADE OF U!1111111 ur majik cnt hurt me!1111**

**A**

**Dp**

**D**

**D**

**Dd**

**D**

**D**

**D**

**D**

**D**

**D**

**Dd**

**Soreee bout tat i waz doin sumthin.**

**Anywya cja[ter 50!**

**YAH!111111111111111111111111 Im halfway 2 1000000000000!11111111111111111111111**

**Dis is a very SPECAL CHAPter **

**IM ALMOS HALAFWAY DONE WITH BOOK 1 **

**Bout 50 mor chapters then we can go to THE CHAMBER OF SEKRITS!11111111111111111**

_CHAPTER _

_I CHOSE MI BOYFREND_

"SO HOO ARE U GONNA CHOOSE?/" dey asked.

"WELL THIS IS A _**HARD ON **_**to deicide…..**

Theyallwaited patently. I wnt 2 get some food wile they w8ed.

I 8 Some PERLO!111111111111

I also has some biskets!11111111 **I hope they were poisoned**

F

S

S

Then I wnt bak 2 wer they wer w8in BUT….

DUMBLEDORE FLU UP!11111111 "JO BEKKE, ur boy frends hav been kidnapped bi kwirrel!11 hes trine to rape them!11111111111111111

"!1" I yelled.

I ran to kwirrels rume were he has tide up all mi b oy frends,

"U STUPID GAE FLOOZY!111111" I said buetifully!1111111111111111111

i raan towards him w/ mi pitch4k wanf!1111111

I stabbeed him over and ovr!111111111111

"IM SORRRRY!1111111111" HE yelled

I dnt car….. U TRIDE to rap mi boy frends

"BUT IM GAE!11111111111"

Y?

Then we wnt 2 the choosing roome, wher I waz going to choose witch boy frend I wnted!1111111

BUT….

TREVER WAZ THEr… with his satanic granny

"OH "

:" his satanic granny walked towards me…..

"I am trevers granny, and I will force you 2 marry hiM!111" **No you won't**

I shot all mi spels at her. **Even the killing curse?**

She ran awawy/

then we all sat downe and 8 lunch wile I thouth about mi boy frend

Then wile we wer eeting ice creem I anoncced/…..

"I CHHOOOOOOOSE….

…

…..

….

….

…

…

…

….

.

…

….

….

…..

…

Com bak 2 c wat happens!111111111111111111111111 **Damn I wonder who she chooses.**


	52. Minister of Magic walks in

Chapter 51

**STOp FLAMNIG**

**By the way darryl, thank you for editin!11 saras relly busy rite now so cant update or edit, and darryls bin helping me on the plot so theis is going 2 get RELLY interesting sone,**

**HOW IS IT MI FULT DAT person died? Its nOT!11111111 they wer stupid and klled themslevs. **It's your fault. No one kills themselves because they're "stupid." It's your fault and you deserve to be in jail.

**Ur mom works for the department of energfy? Tats not scary! She cant hurt me!11 **She can hurt you with energy

**Xcuapterr 51 **

"**THIS is a relly hard decision** " I said.

'that ok tak your tim," we sad suspiciously **We? You mean you also said it suspiciously. I'm surprised she spelled suspiciously right.**

_jt took a wule but I culdnt Dcide BCUZ… HAGRET CAM UP!111

"I LOVE YOU!1111111111111111111" HE yelled

"O grate now im gonna hav to choose another perSUN to." **Literally same.**

They all strated wateing.

I needd help choosin so I ran to hrmione. "HERMIONE I NEDE YUR HELP!111111111"

'OMFGTISA!111"

"YEH I knoe I need your help!'

"so wat is it?"

"I HAV A _**BUNCH of boys hoo **_like me but I cnt dcide whisch 1 2 chose.

"OMK that's terrble!1111" **I know right?**

"We had to b very carful because suthurn boys nno how to stalk relly do"

"then Hermione tride to tell me wat

BUT….

THE DOORE FLU OPEn!111111 2 men walked in!

They looked relly important. IT WAz…

DUMBLEDOR AND THE MINSTER OF MAJIK!11111111 **OH MY GOD**

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

…

….

….

…..

…

…

AND THEY WER CAARRYEN A PAKAGE!1111111111111111111

TWO BE CONTINRUDE!


	53. Hippies are gay apparently

Chapter 52

**A?ZN: 4 goodnse sak!11111 the dpartmnt of nergy cnt hurt me!111111 **

**ITS NOT MI fult dat persin dide!111 its ther own FULT!1111111 **It's not their own fault.

**O nd bi da wae darrel and I are cowritin a Lord of da rings stury! Its gona be bout Frodo and Gandalf!11111111 **NO NO NO NO FUCK NO HELL NO GODDAMNIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**MI little bruther, hoos lik a yeer yunger then me mite be joinin!11111111 I tink he LOVS sara, lol. Hes not as good at riten as I am, but hes relly cool!1111111**

**SO tanks to darrel 4 editin, yur mi favorite bf!111111111 **She has had other boyfriends. OH GOD.

**CHaptr 52: THE mesterius pakage!11**

So haarglet walke with dumbledor and da minister of majik!1111

I fullowed them thru the skoool to te 3rd flor corridor!1111111

They hid the pakag in a SECRIT rume!1111

I w8ed till they left TEN I SAW IT….

KWIRREL WAZ TRIEN 2 BRAKE IN!1111111111111111 **Oh noooo...**

"LUKE her mr funkee turbin, wat do u think ur doin?/"

"O nothing," he sadi supisously!11111111111111

"LIER LIER PNTS ON FIR U DUMMEE!11111111111"

"DNT HURT ME!11111111111111111111111111"

"Y not ur stupid nd gae!11111111"

"BECUS….

IM A TEECHER

"I dnt car u GAY HIPPY!11111111" **Hey I'm a hippie. Does that make me gay? GASP**

"OMG!111111' HE CRIDE

kWIRREl tride to RaPE ME!1111111111

"Then haglet cames up!111111"

He beet up kwirrlel

"OMG U _**SAVED **_ME!111111111"

"I knoe,' he said sXily!11111111111 **How do you say something sexily?**

Then DArrl cam up!1111111111111

" STUPB FLIRTIN w/ mi _**GF! **_**YEAH HAGLET BACK UP**

_**BUI anywaays we walked down da hallway **__**IB then the minister **_**B cam up, "OMG wat **da hek r u doin her."

"NONE OF UR BUISNESS BLONDIE!111111111111111"

Omgf

THeis is terrble." Jim bob said..

"HOWD U get here?"

"I walkd lol!11111"

lOOLOLOLOLLLOL

then I ran to mi rume and put sum of mi bfs names in a hat, ten I piked 1!11 It was…. **Cheater!**

…..

…..

…..

.

….

.

….

…

….

_**DARULD!1111111111111111\**_

_**TWOOOOOOOO BEEEEEEEEEEE CPONTIBUDE!11111111111111111**_


	54. Why isn't Jo Bekke in jail yet

Chapter 54

**AN: Tanks to sara 4 editing 4 me! By the waay my bruther bubba is going 2 b joining! **

**STOP FLAMING yu gay losrs!**

**Anyway chapter 54: Decerating 4 Christmis**

"OHMYGOSH!11111" I said happily.

"hagrid looked at us supicously. WHAT R YALL DOING IN HERE!" HE yelled maliciously.

Jo belle said, "were just looking around ignore us:"

Darrel said, "WHER R THE SANTAS?/"

"dnt worry, I got them,' dumbeldore says.

OMGTU, santa looks just like Dumbledore, he evn has the same overalls!

I know youre thinking im stupid, but santa relly dose look like dumbeldroe. **No, you're stupid.**

"OMG Dumbledore you look jus like satan!11111 **LIKE SATAN?**

"I knoe that's b ecause i…..

…..

…

I AM SANTA 4 DA WIZZERDIN WURLD, but dnt tell any1!

"DON'T WORRY," I wont!"

JO belke darryl jim bob, harry, hagrid and I wnt to our rooms.

THEN…..

We ran bak to the gr8 hall.

All the satnas were like pantings, because they wer talking and moving around. **So the paintings were dressed as Santa?**

BUT.. I sawed some gay people…

"STUPID RANEBOWS!1111111111" I shooted miserably!

"TEHN I tortured them mercilessly, and DUMbledore helped us!"

Suddenly aabunch of blak people cam up, so we killed them… **How isn't she in fucking jail yet? Or better yet death row?**

THEN HAGRID SAID….

"IM GOIN 2 CHEK ON SUMTHIN BUT ITS _**NOT **_the socerers ston! **Hmmmm.**

We decided to ffolow hiM!1111111

Tow be bontibbude!111111


	55. Biting tose

Chapter 55

**A/N: I LOV UYOU DARRYL! HAPPY VALENTINS DAY EVRY1!**

**MI uncle and ant(WHO are darryl and saras parents) r comin to live with us because they live in the hose next door (Mi dad uncle work the same farm) and 1 of thee pips brok! **I figured out after a minute that pips was supposed to be pipes

**Anyway thanks to sara AND daryl for editing! The grannar is relly good in this chapter! **Right...

**Chapter 55:hamlets (DAts hagrids SKOTTISH NAME, hagrid is his Southern name )**

**we followed hamlet down the hall.**

**HE WENT TO…**

**THE THIRD CORRIDOR!**

**HE was giving fluffy (You no, that 3 heded dog) **SHE GOT THE DOGS NAME RIGHT GASP

**Som dog food. "YOU'RE A GOOOOOOOD puppy," hamlet said, petting fluffy all over, "Good, girl!"**

**WE Runs over 2 him, "hamlet what the heck do yu think your doin?"**

**"OH, nothing" he says. "IM NOT FEEDIN FLUFFY,' **Suree

**ANYWAY WE RAN DOWN THE HALL, IT WAS ALL DECORATED FOR KRISTMASS, AT FURS I THUGHT DUMBLEDOR WAS EVERYWER BUT IT WAS REALLY…**

_**SATAN!**_

"HEY WATS DUMBLDOR DOIN ON THE WALLS,' DARRYL SAID.

**OH SORRY I HAVE CAPLOKS ON!1111 LOL**

"DNt worry about it,' I tuld him.

I new I haf to keep the secrit that duumbledore is satan 4 the wizzerding world!

"K." he sdaid.

_**WARNNG EXPLICIT VILENC FOLOWS: BWAR **_What the fuck does this mean?

THEn…

An evil guy in a cloke came up, "jo bell I am a dum nborthernor her to RAP AND KILL Yu!

"O no," I sad/

But I relized it waz qureel! **Why isn't he in jail yet.**

"OMg," I thote u wer gay"

"NO… I AM BI GENDER!11" **So he is simultaneously a boy and a girl?**

"OMELG!"

"AND no…." he sais darmaticly…

"WE shall RAPE U!111111111"** Literally stop with the rape jokes. It's not funny. Some people who have read this story have probably been raped or sexually abused at some time in their life and this is making it worse.**

I kiked his private parts, he fel over screaamin, "BLUDY MARRY!"

"then I TOOK his teeth out nd I used his teet to bite his…

…..

.

…

.

…

TOSE! **Ow.**

Then darryl (I LOV YOU!) and I wnt to the grate hall,"

"OMG," donuld said….

DUMBLEDORE WAS DEELIN WITH SUM VISITORS!

IT WAS….

ABY MILLER AND THOSE _**STUPID NORTHERN DANCE MOMS!111111111111111111111111111 **_YAY DANCE MOMS

_**2 B CNTNUD**_


	56. SPECIAL PROJECT

Chapter 56

**AN: Look here loosers! STOP FLAIMNG! I HAT YOU! BY the way thanks to sara for editing! BI THE WAY **_**I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU DARRYL!"**_

**Chapter 56: THE evil plan of the danc moms**

"OMGWE! What are the NURTHURN danc mom doing here santa I mean dumbleldore! I said quikly so I didn't reveal dumbbldeores secrit identity! **Wow, subtle.**

"WAT," darrel said suspiciously.

"Im santa 4 the wizarding world, bUT DNT TELL ANY1" dumblesanta said!\

"Don't worry I wont"

"AND NOW," Dumbledore says.

"WERE DOING AA SPECIAL PROJECT!" **SPECIAL PROJECT SPECIAL PROJECT**

"OMG what is it,' we all said.

"Were doin a DANC COMPETITION! and weve got aby lee miler and the danc moms to teach us!"

After a while I aksed Dumbledore a question, "Y did you get DUM northerners to teech us?"

+"Because' hje said dramaticly, "I knoe theyree up 2 something and I want yOU AND DOONALD TO SPI ON THEM!11111111111111" he sahooted/** Sahooted made me laugh a little. ONLY A LITTLE**

TO BE CONTINUES


	57. No presents for Jo Bekke

**Chapter 57: we spi on a bnch of peoples!**

We went to spi on quirel and Snaple. THEY WERE… **FRICKING?**

Drawin mustachses on santa!111111111111 **oh yeah that too.**

'"hey luzers STOP MESSIN WITH DUMBLEDORE- I meen santaa."

'they looked at me all seuspicously. Then they started tellin us, "wer doin this BECAAUSE WERE GAY!"

"!" i said.

"gerge Washington!" **GEORGE IS HERE?**

Then jo belle darryl and we went to the gift shop. HEMRIONEE WAAAS RIDIN ON DA TRACTERS AGIN!"

"how dar you, u adolescent dingdong!" da vulture librarian said, coming in. **omg adolescent dingdong I CANT**

\

"bi da way, I run the git shop nd the library if u went to chek out some books."

"we wnt and looked in the book stor, and i got donald some cristmiss presents (DNT TELL HIM!11111) **DONALD!**

Then I wnt to the gr8 hall.

Dumbelldor was making some anoncments!

"alrite all you lusers hoo arnt stayin 4 christmiss need to go 2 the tracters so they can go hom.

"MOV YUR BOODIES," prufesor mcdonald said!

"we kiked all the gays out of Hogwarts." **Ok?**

Then we all lafed at them, ZHAH

Then te danc mums said it waz tim 2 do a lesson…

They brote in a pyrmid (I h8 DAT shoe, I sawed it 1nce nd it WAZ ALL BOUT nurthurnurnrus!"

Trever and te other gae losers wer on the bottom, then all da southerners wer on toP! **I thought they kicked all the gays out**

"WAT HO CAN THIS B?"

"even tho we dent lik suthurnurs we have 2 admit you're the best

:cull": I sed.

Thn tey shoed us a dum danc, I knew I had 2 do it because, I, had, to, spi on, them!

It turns ote… IT WAS A GAE DANC! So I knocked them all up and through them ote of hogwerts!111111" **YOU KNOCKED THEM UP? Again word choices people.**

Thebn dumvbledor said, "JO BEKKE HAZ SAVD US"

Then harry cam up 2 me, "By the way you can call me bubba now."

"k,' I said.

Then it was krismis eve… WE WNT 2 BED XCITEDLY! **4 Presents for you Abby Miller you go Abby Miller. And none for Jo Bekke bye.**

TOOOOOOOOOOOO BEEEEEEEE


	58. What kind of fun?

Chapter 58

**AN: Look her, dumbledorks in south Carolina u can marry yur first cuxin, it isn't incest, dumee. **Technically speaking, she's right.

**Stop messin with me about that boy hoo died, I dnt care! **

**By the way thans 2 sara 4 editing the story.**

**Chapter 58: crismiss mornin**

I wok up in te midel of the nite. I wnt downstares 2 get a drink.

SANTA WAS THER. **SANTA!**

:OMG Dumbledore."

"go bak 2 sleep ho belle so I can giv you yur presents." **No don't give her presents**

"Cool," I sed excitedly

When I wok up crismiss morning der was a HUG stak of presents w8ing 4 me. "OMG.,' Hermione said excitedly/ she runs and got her presents,

I looked at mine. Mrs weasely had given me a nice sweter.

I also got a lot of candey. I also got a relly good broom. I got a cull cloke of invisibility 2. It sad, deer jo bel I tink you need this ~ lLOVE dumberdore **She doesn't need an invisibility cloak.**

"OMG santa gav me a present!

"WAT!" she said.

"Dis says Dumbledore."

"O yeah, bi theway, dumbledore is santa.

THEBDARRYL CAME UP…

"Ready 2 hav sum FUN?" **OH GOD**

2 B CONTINUURED


	59. da mirror of EDRISE

Chapter 59

**AN: U SUK! Ugh ur jus a bunch of lusers bein w/ ur cuzin iznt inces dufus **

**Sara culdnt edit so darel did**

**HOE IS IT MI FULT DAT BOY DIDE?/**

**ITS not dats y**

**I AM NOT tera dat dum nurthurner, u lusers **

**Bi da wae I LOV DA SOUT**

**Cahpetr 59: da mirror OF EDRISE**

Darrel nd I got uunder da cloke of ivnsibilitee! We DISSAPEERED!1111111111111111111111111

Den we wnt to tis majicul rume… DER WAS A MERROR DER! **Oh so you can see how ugly your face is? OOOOOOOOO**

I luked in da mirror and sawed… **Saw what?**

TO B CNTND


	60. Catching Balls

Chapter 60

**AN: I DNt CAR wat u thnk bout me. Bein wit yur cuzin IZNT INCEST DUMBLEDORKS!111 surry sara culdnt edit mi stury this weke. **

**I LUV U DARRYL NO Mater wat no 1 els says!111111111111111111111**

**TELL ME HOE ITS MI FULT DAT PESUN COMTETED SUCIDE?/**

**Chaptr 60: KWIDDITH TRI OTES**

**I SAWED…..**

…**..rn**

…

…

…

MI DED PARNTS!11111111111111111** OH NOES.**

OMG

DEN DUMBLEDORF WAS BHNIND ME!111111111111 **The plot of every horror movie involving a mirror**

"jo bekle do not luke into da mirror u will tern into ston!111111111111111111111 **That's good though.**

"OMG!"

"yes nowe go awae I mus do sumthin specal."

:K," I sed.

I wnt to kwidditch tri outs.

DA fat lade hoos da referee sed to me, "Jo bekle her u go nowe fli

I flu relly well, den I caut som balls.** When don't you catch balls?**

"JO U WILL BE SEKER. Haree darrel jim bob u will b casers, harmernoi u will b keeper!11"

"YA!" we all sed.

"Bi da wae jo bekke is kwidditch captin!1111111" **How is she the quidditch captain? It's only because she's popular.**

EVERY1 CHEERD 4 ME!1111111111111111111111111111

TOOOOOOOOOOO BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CONNNNNNNITNNUD


	61. THE kwiddich gam

Chapter 61

**AN: I made a nistak lol, I Darryl and Sara aren't my Uncle's kids, haha. Their my Aunt's! My dads sisters hehe. **That doesn't make it less of an incest love story.

**O! GUESS WAT? Om going to be in Columbia Saturday. If u wnt my autograph cum to the west culombia subway at noon! **I wish I could've been there

**By the way thnks to Sara for editing! **

**YOU **_**OBVIUSLY **_**havnt read the books. Fred and gerge are beeters you dufus.**

**Chapter 61: THE kwiddich gam**

Then it was tim for qudich! We walkd onto the feel melodramatically. **Didn't they just pick the players?**

Then I hoped on mi broom! Then the fat referee sadi, "!"

We lal flew up into the air. I shoed fred nd gorge how 2 do the beeters stuff.

Then we fote slythrin. We diid really well. I beet up crab with my seeker bat! **That's not how you play quidditch**

THEN….

I…

SAW…

A…

SNITCH! **Oh now there's more than one?**

TWO BE CONTINUEED!1111111111


	62. Contaminated Subway

Chapter 62

**AN" STUP flamin u dumbledorks!1111 BI DA WAE y did no1 cum 2 subwae 2 c me? It waz relly gud. Surry sara culdnt edit this tim **No one came to subway because now that subway is contaminated.

**Chpter 62: WE WIN**

**I flu round **nd caut da nitch . den dumbledore sed, "YAH JO BKEL GOOOOOOOO U WIN!1111111 YAH JO HELL!"" **YAH JO GO TO HELL**

Evry1 chered. Den I wnt 2 ete diner. I GOT A…. new brume!11111 **Why does she get all this new stuff?**

But sundly…..

FLUFFY CAM IN DA RUME! **To eat you I hope**

2 b cntnd


	63. Hagrids Cage

Chapter 63

**A?N: Your just jelus tat I hav 7000 REVEIWS!**

**It ISNT incest u dumbledorf. **Yeah it kinda is.

**If yu flame your just a GAE NORTHENOR!11 **No, just no

**Thanks 2 sara 4 editing!11111**

**Thanks 2 all the SUTHERNORS 4 the gud reviews!**

**BI DA WAAE I LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV U DARRYL!1111111**

**Chapter 62: dsuofdhnks **Oh we're back on chapter 62 again

**FLUFFY CAAM IN THE RoOM!11111111**

"_Fluffy what the hek do u think your doing,' __**HAGRID (Rmmber dat haggrid iz his sutthurn nam!11111) **_Ok I'll remember that

_**Said suspiciously.**_

_We ran through the valley to put hagrid bak in his kage. _ **Hagrid has a cage?**

Thank you jo bekle," HAgrid said.

Its ok.

Then he…

TRIDE 2 KISS ME!1111111111111111 **How could he kiss you if he was in his cage?**

"GO AWE U FREEK" I sed to _**HAMLET!111111111111**_

Then hagrid said that he waz sorry. Then daarryl kicked his boody 4 punishmnt, **Well ow?**

Then harmione sadi, "so wats fluffy garding?"

Hagrid gasped anorexically!111 **How do you gasp anorexically?**

"SO wats he garding," he said.

"We looked suspicious.

Thn he tuld us, "DATS BTWEEN BDUMBLEDOR NIKOLISS FLANNEL!111111111 **OH NO NOT NICHOLAS FLAMMEL**

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

…

….

.

….

.

….

…..

CONTINUDE!11111111111


	64. Madam Pomfrey

Chapter 64

**SO WAT?/**

**ITS **_**NUT **_**incest u ignoramouses!1111111111111**

**Surree dat sara culdnt edid. DARRRRRYL DID A GR8 JOB THO **No he didn't don't lie to me.

**Vhapter 64- hoo is mr nikoliss flannel?/ **

**Harmiony nd ei dcided 2 lok up mr nikolis flammel **

**We luked and loked, THIN….**

**..**

**SUM OBEESE PERSUN CAM UP…. I **OMG ITS ME

**.**

**,**

…**.**

**IT WAS…..**

…**.**

…**.**

…**..**

…**.**

**MADAM PLumfrey!111111111111 (U NO BECUZ SHEZ **_**PLUMP HAHHAHAHAH lol **_Haha I laughed so hard. NOT

Thin she sed, everybody cum. **Well if you say so.**

We all came toogethr. **Hot**

THEN….

She sed it waz tim 2 go 2 medicin class. **Medicine class at hogwarts?**

"we lerned a lot ther,

Then we all went balk 2 the llibraree…. WHERE

THE VULTUR LIBRAREEIN SHOED UP!

Toooooo

Beeeeeee

CoNTANED


	65. Hatching a dragon

Chapter 65

**AN: UGH! I sad STOP!1 Stop commentating on mi story nd stop FLAMING.**

**Thnks to SARA for editing!**

CHAPTR **Chapter what?**

Thin the vulture librarian told us to go away. Then we wnt to HAMLETS house,

We ran slowly through hogwrts to hamlets house. HE WAz… **Why did you run slowly?**

HATCHING A DRAGON!111 we runs in. **Gaspu!**

"HAMLET YOU INGNORAMUS WAT DO YOU THIN YOUR DOING" we cried. **Hatching a dragon what the heck do you think?**

TO BE CONTINUED


	66. Devil's chapter

Chapter 66

**AN: STOP FLAMIN U DUfuses **

**STUP BOTHERIN ME BOUT DAT **_**DUM **_**suicide ting. **NEVER

**BI DA way thnks 2 darrel 4 editin **

**CDHGAPTRE 666L DA **_**SUTHURN Idragon **_WHAT THE HELL CHAPTER 666 GET THAT DEVIL CRAP OUTTA HERE. JUST KIDDING

It terns ote da dregon waz rely a suthurner, o surry hagrid, a=we all sed. **Yeah be sorry**

\

THEEN… WE TOTEE THE DREGON TRIKS!1111111111 **OH It says we taught the dragon tricks. I was so confused**

TO BE CONTINUD3ew/


	67. Unicorn

Chapter 67

**AN: STOP FLAMIN!111111111 im publishin mi hungr gams stury 2morrow!111111111111111111111111111 **Oh no not a hunger games story. I'm not MSTing this for a long time

**Tanks 2 darrel 4 editin!111111111111111111**

**Chapter ? wat chapter is it lol**

We plaed with the dregon but then we luked thru the windo…

IT WAZ…

KWIRREL! **oh no not quirrel**

"O NO HAMLET UR NUT SUPPOSED TO HAV A DRAGON" **BUT HE DOES ANYWAYS. YOLO**

"O MI GOSh," JIM BOB SHOTED, "WAT SHALL WE **DO?**

We ran to the forbiden dorest.

THer was sum1 ther….

It waz….

A UNIKORN!1111111111111 **YAY A UNICORN**


	68. Hamlet sucks

Chapter 68

**AN: SORRY IT TUKE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO long 2 updat **No we don't mind

**CHPATER ^*!1111111111111111111 SA misterius unicorn AND **_**VOLDYMORT!11111111111111111 **_ OMG CHAPTER ^* my FAVORITE chapter!

I followed the unicorn with darrel, ,we ran thru THE FORBIDEN FORRSET! **You aren't supposed to go into the forbidden forest! Remember what happened in My Immortal?**

We ran through the forest to help find the hurting uinkorns.

Jim bob wnt 1 way with darrel and me and herminone wnt another way. Hamlet wnt to his house in feer. **Hamlet pussied out cause of a unicorn. Weak**

Bubba (rmmbr dats wat haree changd hiz nam 2 cuz hes mi bruthur) wnt with jim bob nd darel.** No I don't remember**

Then Hermione nd I saw…

KWIRREL SUKING BLOOD OUT OF A UNIKORN!1111111111111111111111111111 **NOO THE UNICORN!**

TO BE CONTINEUD1!11111111


	69. Hehe Chapter 69

Chapter 69 **Hehe 69**

Ban: ok luzers isen up. im riten a kronicles of naria stury!111111 GO REED IT. **NO**

1 of mi frends, hoos mi dads neece nd is mi cuzin mite b joinin, her nam iz suzana but we call her suzee **No one gives a fuck about Suzee**

Chaptr (da nxt chaptr dufus dnt u understand)

Jo bel

BI THE WAE STOP FLAMING U STUPID GAES **No**

Wnt ovr 2 the unicorn.,

I sawe kwirrel nbd beet him up…. **GOOD BEAT HIM UP.**

DEN…

DUMbldum flu op on his flien carpit!111111111111111 **Seriously where are the brooms?**

2 b cuntinude


	70. Easter time at Hogwarts

Chapter 70

**AN: Stop flaming, you stupid bimbos, thnks to sara for editing. **I'm not a bimbo. Or am I?

**BYTHEWAY stop flaming, commentating, makin dramatic readings on utube (STOP MKAIN DRAMATIK REEDINGS U STUPID AUSTRALIEN) stop bein mean 2 me. IF ANY1 FLAMES ILL KILL MY SELF!**

**If you falme yur OBVIUSLEe a gay persun!111111111**

**Chapter 7000000000! **Damn already?

Dumbledorre flew up to sav us. "BUT…." **But what?**

Quewirrel tride to kill Dumbledore!1111111111 BUT I SAVD HIM!111111111 **Why is all this happening?**

"OMHJSHG thank u jo belle`,' he bleated. **Oh so now he's a goat?**

Then we all went back to the castle, HAGRID WAS decoratin for eester. Ronuld and jim bob were with me. I wnt to bed. THAT NITE… **IT WAS JUST CHRISTMAS**

I wok up and saw…..

Dumbledor!11111

:WAt DA HEk?"

"oh hi there jo belle I was jus bein the eester bunny, but DNT TELL ANY!"!111111111 **Why is dumbledore like every holiday figure**  
**?**

I sad ok, then I went bak to sleep.

To be continured…


	71. RedneckMania

Chapter 71

AN: **I lOVE YIOU DARREL!111 yur the bedt bf in the worlf I will always LUV u!111111 **I hope you break up please.

**U r mi harts desire!11 u r miiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! Yur the best persun in the hole wide wurld!11 **Uh no. Lee Kwang Soo is the best person in the whole wide world

**You aare VERY smart, your SUPER hot and sXy!111 you LUV me, and I LUV u. we r SOLEMATES!11111111111 **I reject that. See upper comment please.

**I will aLLWAYS LUV U!1111111111111 **ANDDDDDDDDDD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

**I cant w8 till wer mareed. By the way we mite drop ote of skool to get mareed!111111111 Isnt dat cook?/ **Why would you drop out of school to get married

**Bi da wae nanashi stupp messin with me yur annoyin. Yur VERY immature **Who the fuck in nanashi

**By the wae all u GAY flamers need 2 go 2 hel!111111**

**YUR ALL JELUS THAT I GUT 1000 REVEWS non of U hav dat manee revews**

**ON WIT DA STURY…**

**Chapter 71: the sortin hats .**

**The nxt day we wer called in to the grate hall,. The surtin hat waz ther, **

"**guys I hav a secrit 2 tell u!111" **

"**OMG WAT IZ IT," we all sed.**

**Ther is a new hogwerts house that's been discovered!11111111"**

"**!" we all sed.**

**Nowe da new order iz…\**

**Slitherin, wich iz still daa uglee gay house, **Harsh

**Hufflypuf wich is wer da butiful suthurner go**

**Revenclaw is still **

**da cleva suthurners, now grifedor is goin to be da brav suthuners!**

**And nowe the new hous will b….. REDNEKMaNIA (yeh, I no im a redneck, cuz redneks r awsum) dis is the house for the AWSUM SEXY BUTIFUL CLEVER SMART AMAZING BRAVA WUNDERFUL COOL BRILLINT SUTHUNERSn GOOOOOOO!11111111111111 **What the hell redneckmania sounds like the southern version of wrestlemania

**Jo bel darel bubba jim bob and sum other relly awsum suthuners go**

**B CONTINE*RD**


	72. One last step to freedom

Chapter 72

**AN: STUP flamin dumbledorks.**

**yur confuzin me. Hoos impersonating sum1?**

**Ter **

**Aneway hers chaptr 72 I hop u LUV it!111111111**

**Captr 72: DA SURPRISE, iv got a surprise, sum1 U no wil be in it**

**We went 2 daaa rednek commen room. HERMINOE RAN UP, today she was iin a dress with jo belles face on it, she was werin a bunch of jo belle rings 2, she even had a jo bel tattoo!11 **Where the fuck do they sell Jo belle merchendise?

"**JO BEL HO BEL," she screemes. **STOP YELLING

"**WAT?**  
**\**

" **I asked" crazily **

"**I FOUND NIKOLAS FLAMEL!111111111111111111" **OH MY GOD

"**OHMIGUSH,' dareyl screemed cuming to us.**

"**yeh hes on da bak of da choklat frog card. RELLY" we all asked generously **Wow what are you gonna do burn it?

"**yeH!" she screa,ed.**

**We all jumped 4 joy.**

**THEN….**

**NANASHI CAM UP!111111111111111111111111111 **Oh my god a flamer is in the story!1111!

**I culd tell rite away she was a dum lesbeen nurthernur!**

"**I H8 u" she sed, lukin green (U no, cuz she luks grene a lot, lol) **Um no?

**I kiked her boody!111111111 then we torturd her!1111111111**

**Then….. we brote out sum elektrikal shokers!111111111111 **Kinky

**2 b cunitndude **


	73. Sweet Victory

Chapter 72

**AN: STUP flamin dumbledorks.**

**yur confuzin me. Hoos impersonating sum1?**

**Ter **

**Aneway hers chaptr 72 I hop u LUV it!111111111**

**Captr 72: DA SURPRISE, iv got a surprise, sum1 U no wil be in it**

**We went 2 daaa rednek commen room. HERMINOE RAN UP, today she was iin a dress with jo belles face on it, she was werin a bunch of jo belle rings 2, she even had a jo bel tattoo!11 **Where the fuck do they sell Jo belle merchendise?

"**JO BEL HO BEL," she screemes. **STOP YELLING

"**WAT?**  
**\**

Chapter 73

AN: STOP FITEN ovr me, I know im pretty but iv alredy got a bf. Hiz nam is DARRyl.

Thanks to sara for editin!

BY the waay, if you choose ME, ill let you uze som of the whips we hav. We use them to hurt the blak people in oour cellar lol. **Slavery was abolished years ago, ma'am.**

Bi the way STOP IMPERSENATING ME!111111111111111111 Som1 is impersonating me! **Who would ever impersonate you?**

CAHPTER 73:

We killed nanashi lol. Then the battle of hugwrts happned!11 I beet up all the STUPID flamers!11111111111 **GASP IT HAPPENED JUST LIKE THAT.**

It terns out ther was a secrit! IT was…. Nicolas flammel **OH NO**

**WELL WE DID IT KIDDOS WE FINISHED JO BEKKE AT HUGWRTS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**


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